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Why’d y’ have to go and make things so complicated?

I think all relationships have complications. Some may be insurmountable and the relationships end, others less so and the relationship adapts or compromises are made.

I am going to speak in general terms here for a moment and so please bear with me, I know not every young person is the same.

I believe when we are young we are less likely to consider compromise as a way to solve a complication in a relationship. I think when we are young we think in terms of black and white, ignoring the shades of grey in between.

As we get older we see the world differently and are more likely to be able to look at the big picture, to consider a compromise, and work to resolve a complex problem with our partner.

I think I’m lucky that my relationship with MrH isn’t complicated.

My relationship with my mum is. My relationship with his mum is, but for different reasons.

I’ve spoken about the relationship I have with my mum in my post Count yourself lucky but I have an equally complicated relationship with my mother in law. She doesn’t seem to like or approve of me. I tried for years to get her to but to no avail. MrH doesn’t take me to her house anymore which does sometimes upset me, because it can feel like he is ashamed of me, that she doesn’t want me there and so he leave me at home to make her happy, but I know in reality it’s because he finds his mum easier to deal with alone. Still I wish I could go with him sometimes.

The external complications used to stress me out. I worried a lot. I still do sometimes but mostly I manage them. I love my mum but our relationship isn’t what I wish it could be. I’d like to be able to spend time with her clothes shopping, or such, but we don’t do that. Partly because my stepfather hates it (he resents time she spends away from him) and partly because it always ends up feeling like I’ve been told off. My mum is one of those who has to belittle others. She couldn’t say that looks lovely she would have to say that’s nice it’s a shame you didn’t get rid of the backside when you lost that weight.

So for sanity’s sake I don’t do it.

In our home, MrH likes peace and simplicity and so the atmosphere is calm. It’s a sanctuary from the outside world.

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16 thoughts on “Why’d y’ have to go and make things so complicated?”

  1. I totally agree with you that the older we get, the more we see the big picture, and are willing to work through difficulties. Sorry to hear your relationship with your mom is complicated…

    Rebel xox

  2. Completely agree. If I had the same way of dealing with stuff now as I did at 18, boy I’d be in a whole load of trouble! πŸ˜‚ Compromise and not seeing the grey in between the black and white in relationships is definitely a learn on the job thing x

  3. Ahhh Mothers, they can definitely be complicated things. My Mum and I have definitely had our moments but finally we seem to have come to a good place but it has taken a LONG time and a lot of upset to get here so hugs to you because I know all too well how exhausting that can be

    Mollyx

  4. I understand how you feel about the mil. I always seem to be the thorn in their side or maybe a bug to be crushed. S’s mother has dealt with me for 12 years and I’ve tried everything I could think of to get her to like me. Same issue with pet’s mother.. except with her no one will Ever be good enough for her son.

  5. Oh man, I can very much relate to family complications, far more than I’d care for or choose to. The burden this can add to one’s relationship with you partner can be significant.

  6. I get that feeling of sanctuary. I don’t have too many complicated relationships, because as I got older I just gave up on connections that brought me more stress and little pleasure. I do have a complicated relationship with humanity in general though and if I’ve done a lot of peopling and had very little me time I crave the uncomplicated and easy time I share with Bakji. I’m so pleased you have found that in Mr H, I think everyone needs a person or people like that in their lives. Fabulous post x

  7. I think most of us have complicated relationships with some relatives. For me, it’s with my father, who tends to be rather judgmental and self-centered. So I understand how annoying and stressful it can be to deal with. Wishing you all the best!

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