Writing about Love, Life, Marriage,


Kinky Fuckery!

(among other things........)




Pain has become an old friend to me, it’s the kind of friend that sucks you dry, takes your energy and leaves you feeling like crap.  Yes pain and I are well acquainted. I have written about my friend before, many times.  How it has impacted our sex lives and my life in general.  I’ve talked about the Medial branch nerve block – test procedure, the actual procedures, and after a few months pain free, the eventual its return. Chronic Pain. Since 2008 my life has been controlled my pain.  Should we go for a walk? Depends on the terrain, the distance and how

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Suicide – too close for comfort

I really wasn’t sure I could write for this prompt. It feels too close, too raw, but i decided to just put down a few lines and link my recent posts so I’m not repeating myself too much. Both our sons have now considered suicide, our youngest just a Few weeks ago. T battled the impulse for years (When your children suffer), I’m hoping that J will not. T refused to take medication. J takes it. I have had my own mental health battles, (I say battles for the war goes on), but I never considered suicide. My boys kept

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spanish inquisition

No one expects the Spanish inquisition

I use my blog to get my thoughts down on virtual paper and stop them from swirling around, my own version of the spanish inquisition, where I interrogate myself endlessly. Things have been rough for Mr H and I recently. Not in our relationship or in D/s terms, no, in fact I think that has helped us to weather it. This weeks Food 4 Thought prompt asks why do you write? Writing helps me process. I also hope that perhaps in some way the ups and downs of my life will reassure others that they are not alone. I wrote

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3 things

3 things

The prompt for this weeks SB4MH is what 3 things would you tell your 5 year self to remember? Sounds simple enough only it isn’t. I mean you can’t tell a 5 year old not to marry the first man she has sex with can you? Highly inappropriate. You can’t say tell your mum you want braces, cos you have no idea what braces could mean, but then again.. at 5 big things happened to me and so there are things I could say….. Remember…. You did nothing wrong. My mum left my dad when I was 5. She woke

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Pull yourself together

Pull yourself together and get on with it….  That’s one phrase I think I would ban from the world if I could. The idea that someone, anyone, who is depressed could just pull themselves together is not only ludicrous but it suggests their feelings are little, insignificant, manageable or imaginary. Bah! I have my own battles with depression and (touch wood) I’ve been stable for a while now. My demons are controlled, my darkness hidden by light, but (and there’s always a but) at any time they could free themselves and the light could go out. When I was at my

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Striving to be perfect

Growing up I worked hard to be the perfect daughter. I was not to speak until I was spoken to and I was not allowed to have any opinions. The only time we (my brother and I) were praised was for getting good test results. Only my results were never good enough. I got B’s and C’s (my dyslexia was undiagnosed.. well to be fair it wasn’t recognised back in the 80’s) whereas my younger brother got straight A’s. He once sulked for a week for getting an A-!!!! I really tried hard not to disappoint my parents but nothing

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Father Figures

When I was 5 my parents divorced. My mum went to live with another man who took upon the role of step father.  His parenting style wasn’t great. I’ve written about it before and don’t want to focus on that now.  I don’t know what growing up with my biological father would have been like because I had limited contact with him after that. The role of the father. I think over the last 30 years there has been a shift in the participation of fathers in the role of parenting. I think there are many possible reasons for this. Perhaps because

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Antidepressants, pain meds and Sex

I’ve been medicated for quite some time in one form or another. In 2005 when I had my breakdown I was started on antidepressants and I think I’ve been fortunate in that they have never affected my sex drive or ability to orgasm. I know not everyone is as lucky. When my back first started to cause me severe pain and the drs started to put me onto pain medication things did begin to change. The medications made me sleepy or made me feel high. I was unfocused and I didn’t feel sexy especially when I started to put on

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Count yourself lucky

By some standards my upbringing was normal. Born in 1974 in a small mining town in South Yorkshire, my maternal grandparents lived one street away and my paternal grandparents had a farm.  I was lucky until I was 5 years old, and my life was perfect, if you don’t count the fact that my tiny tears doll didn’t cry anymore because my baby brother pulled it’s head off!  Then one night my mum left my dad and moved us in with his best friend. A man who’s wife had left him because he beat her. My world changed. A new reality Suddenly

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The seven dwarfs

Now I’m not yet fully menopausal, but I’m heading that way. I had a hysterectomy 4 years ago and was told I would likely start menopause within 5 years due to the decreased blood supply. At the moment I get occasional night sweats, and I can be forgetful. I do know I still have mood swings, but now I have no periods to track them around, but I also know I have periods where I am quite likely to cry my heart out over something trivial. The thing that affected my mental health most was being overweight and feeling fat,

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