Writing about Love, Life, Marriage,

&

Kinky Fuckery!

(among other things........)

depression

depression

Don’t tell me

I have depressive illness. At the moment it is controlled by medication and careful management of what I do. I have to be careful not to take on too much, or to commit to too much. When I do I inevitably crash and burn. What I have found in the 14 years that I have lived with my illness is that people who haven’t experienced depression or seen someone close to them experience it, have absolutely no idea how to deal with it, or how to treat people suffering from it. All too often it is still considered to be

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Suicide – too close for comfort

I really wasn’t sure I could write for this prompt. It feels too close, too raw, but i decided to just put down a few lines and link my recent posts so I’m not repeating myself too much. Both our sons have now considered suicide, our youngest just a Few weeks ago. T battled the impulse for years (When your children suffer), I’m hoping that J will not. T refused to take medication. J takes it. I have had my own mental health battles, (I say battles for the war goes on), but I never considered suicide. My boys kept

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Pull yourself together

Pull yourself together and get on with it….  That’s one phrase I think I would ban from the world if I could. The idea that someone, anyone, who is depressed could just pull themselves together is not only ludicrous but it suggests their feelings are little, insignificant, manageable or imaginary. Bah! I have my own battles with depression and (touch wood) I’ve been stable for a while now. My demons are controlled, my darkness hidden by light, but (and there’s always a but) at any time they could free themselves and the light could go out. When I was at my

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Erotic Journal Challenge: Mental Health

I’ve written extensively about my own challenges with Mental Health and I apologise if I repeat myself here, but, this is such an important, misunderstood and awkward topic I feel justified in doing so, especially when it comes to discussing how mental health affects every aspect of your life, especially your sex life. Has mental health affected your sex life? My battle with depression and anxiety has impacted our sex life on many levels and in many ways. When I had my breakdown in 2005 all I wanted was physical contact. It was the first time I allowed myself to

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Striving to be perfect

Growing up I worked hard to be the perfect daughter. I was not to speak until I was spoken to and I was not allowed to have any opinions. The only time we (my brother and I) were praised was for getting good test results. Only my results were never good enough. I got B’s and C’s (my dyslexia was undiagnosed.. well to be fair it wasn’t recognised back in the 80’s) whereas my younger brother got straight A’s. He once sulked for a week for getting an A-!!!! I really tried hard not to disappoint my parents but nothing

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F4TF: I’m not crazy

There’s a song I found years ago, and loved instantly, on a list songs that Stephanie Meyers says she listened to while writing the Twilight Saga.  The song, by Matchbox 20 Unwell resonated with me then and still does to this day although MrH thinks it’s a strange song. Here’s a link to the video on YouTube.  ”I’m not crazy I’m just a little unwell “ Having lived through my breakdown it seemed to me that this song understood what I felt because the lyrics captured the moods perfectly.  I may look crazy sometimes- sitting all day in my pyjamas, not showering

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Stress Head

I think there are times in my life where I could definitely have been described as being a stress head. I would worry about everything and anything. Usually things I had no control over or were not my problems in the first place. Over the years MrH has retrained me and I have, in many cases, stopped.  I no longer worry if someone I know can make it to their appointments. Unless they ask me for help I now assume they have it under control. I am no longer afraid or ashamed to say “no”. If I don’t want to go

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Antidepressants, pain meds and Sex

I’ve been medicated for quite some time in one form or another. In 2005 when I had my breakdown I was started on antidepressants and I think I’ve been fortunate in that they have never affected my sex drive or ability to orgasm. I know not everyone is as lucky. When my back first started to cause me severe pain and the drs started to put me onto pain medication things did begin to change. The medications made me sleepy or made me feel high. I was unfocused and I didn’t feel sexy especially when I started to put on

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Navigating rough seas

Maintaining a healthy mental state, is quite a challenge, at least it is for me.  I take medication daily which works well to stabilise my mood. I’ve been medicated for depression and anxiety since 2005, essentially 18 months after my dad passed away. I had a full blown breakdown in 2005. I stopped working. I stopped functioning. I stopped doing pretty much everything. I spent 3 years getting better. I spent 3 years learning to deal with rough seas. It wasn’t all doom and gloom. In fact my breakdown brought MrH and I closer together. I learned he was strong enough to

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Gaslighting

I didn’t think I’d ever been a victim of gaslighting, but after reading the post by Swirling Fire and looking at the image included (below) I realised I had actually been a victim of this 3 times…. The First Time The first time… that started when I was a child. With my mum and stepdad. To this day I say “sorry” for everything. If you bump into me, I say sorry. If you get angry, at anything, I say sorry. If you are tired, I say sorry. It drives MrH nuts!!! They always contradict my memories of events, even though

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