Writing about Love, Life, Marriage,

&

Kinky Fuckery!

(among other things........)

anxiety

Fate

Hope is a waste of time.

“You only have one chance to make a good impression,” is something that my parents drummed into me my whole childhood, and they were damn good at putting on a show that meant people never saw the real home I lived in.  I knew from an early age that nothing I did was good enough, I was a girl, a split arse, useless, a disappointment.  I have tried so hard to redefine myself as an adult especially after my breakdown in 2005, but recent events on twitter have shaken me back to that person who knows with absolute certainty that

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Seven Days in April – Day Five

I have spoken a few times about how I have a tendency to overthink things and how this affects my mental health.  The lockdown has I think, had a bad effect on many people judging from some of the comments on twitter and facebook from people who are struggling with feelings of isolation and boredom.  I have a theory that having things to do, to occupy your mind is essential to maintaining a stable mental state.  I know it doesn’t do for me to be ‘in my own head’ for too long.   I have also shared what depression means

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The Anxiety Beast

I never thought of myself as an anxious person growing up, but then again, I was extremely proficient at being the child my parents expected me to be in social situations. My mum was “painfully shy” as a child and was determined that I would not be. From a young age she pushed me into social situations, pushed me to talk to children, to perform tricks front of adults, (reciting poems/singing songs) all with the belief that this would not make me shy. Instead I spent my early years knowing that who I am was not good enough. Following my

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Friends that come and go

I have had many friends throughout the years but I do not have any life long friends.  I have often said that people come into your life for one of two reasons, either they are there to help you, or you are there to help them. Vanilla Friends. I seem to have many friends who have been placed in my path who have taken from me in some way. DD Jen recently used the term “bond or burden” in her post Can I watch you have sex that struck me as very apt. Some friends have moved quickly from bond to

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Eat your feelings or Comfort Eating

I have a simple relationship with food on the surface, I eat almost anything and I will try almost anything; raw fish and blue cheeses are my only no, no foods.  If you scratch the surface though, my relationship is much more complex.  I comfort eat, and I over eat.  It doesn’t matter how much food is put in front of me I am compelled to eat it. Comfort eating. When I am worried, upset, anxious, sad or bored I eat.  I take negative feelings and I shove food on them.  As a child I had to eat everything that

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Being Mindful

I practice being mindful often, and have done for years.  It is something that you are encouraged to do during counselling after a breakdown, to not focus on the past, and to be present in the moment.  It does take a lot of practice and I am not perfect at it, in fact most of the time I suck at it. How I practice being mindful. Everyday I try to take a few moments to close my eyes, and breathe.  It is the only thing I think about for those few moments, breathing. I breath in deeply, expanding my belly,

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prioritising intimacy

Prioritising Intimacy

Yesterday’s post Hairy Pussy resulted in a long discussion between Mr H and myself.  Probably one that was very overdue, well there is no probably about it really.  I have written about how we have not made the effort we should, and again and again said we would, but we haven’t.  We have not focused on ourselves, we have not been prioritising intimacy.  Not really, and definitely not consistently. Life gets in the way. 2019 was not a great  year for us.  My back pain skyrocketed, work became an emotional drain, and Mr H ended up in hospital too.  Our

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Hairy Pussy

One of my rules is that I am supposed to be shaved every day, ready to be fucked.  It isn’t like it is too much to ask is it? Mr H likes to eat pussy and, he doesn’t want to be faced with a hairy pussy.  I can understand that because I prefer MrH to be trimmed too, not shaved, just trimmed you understand.  I like stubble on his face and short hair around his cock.  Longer hairs tend to make me gag more. Lazy or letting yourself go? I haven’t shaved everyday since my March flare up.  I wish

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kidney stones

Taking Turns – MrH goes to Hospital

Mr H is in hospital, he has kidney stones causing problems again.  They have been causing problems for a few days and today it got too much.   He came home from work, and phoned me.  Several times. I had my phone on silent.  It’s only my second day at my new job and I always have my phone on silent.  In the end he phoned the office, to ask me to drive him to the hospital. I couldn’t stay with him, for one because he wouldn’t let me and secondly because my back won’t let me.  I can’t risk being

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depression

Don’t tell me

I have depressive illness. At the moment it is controlled by medication and careful management of what I do. I have to be careful not to take on too much, or to commit to too much. When I do I inevitably crash and burn. What I have found in the 14 years that I have lived with my illness is that people who haven’t experienced depression or seen someone close to them experience it, have absolutely no idea how to deal with it, or how to treat people suffering from it. All too often it is still considered to be

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