Writing about Love, Life, Marriage,

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Life

You make me

When I saw the prompt for Wicked Wednesday I knew exactly what to write in order to answer the question, “who helps you to be the better version of yourself, only because they are in your life? Who strengthens you, motivates you, supports you, knows you like no one else?” The answer for me is quite simple, Mr H. He makes me. From the moment he came into my life in 1995 he changed my world. I fell head over heels in love although it took me over 12 months to admit it to myself, or him. we were married

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Meatloaf

Not the food, the singer.  I love a power ballad, and Meatloaf is very good at them.  Of course “I would do anything for Love- but I won’t do that” is the song most people think of when you say Meatloaf, in fact I read somewhere (probably twitter) that Meatloaf is the perfect safeword – cos it means you will do anything but not that.. but I digress.  I do love that song but I have always preferred “I’d lie for you (and that’s the truth)” and if you want to listen to it I have added the video below. 

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Suicide – too close for comfort

I really wasn’t sure I could write for this prompt. It feels too close, too raw, but i decided to just put down a few lines and link my recent posts so I’m not repeating myself too much. Both our sons have now considered suicide, our youngest just a Few weeks ago. T battled the impulse for years (When your children suffer), I’m hoping that J will not. T refused to take medication. J takes it. I have had my own mental health battles, (I say battles for the war goes on), but I never considered suicide. My boys kept

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Pull yourself together

Pull yourself together and get on with it….  That’s one phrase I think I would ban from the world if I could. The idea that someone, anyone, who is depressed could just pull themselves together is not only ludicrous but it suggests their feelings are little, insignificant, manageable or imaginary. Bah! I have my own battles with depression and (touch wood) I’ve been stable for a while now. My demons are controlled, my darkness hidden by light, but (and there’s always a but) at any time they could free themselves and the light could go out. When I was at my

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Striving to be perfect

Growing up I worked hard to be the perfect daughter. I was not to speak until I was spoken to and I was not allowed to have any opinions. The only time we (my brother and I) were praised was for getting good test results. Only my results were never good enough. I got B’s and C’s (my dyslexia was undiagnosed.. well to be fair it wasn’t recognised back in the 80’s) whereas my younger brother got straight A’s. He once sulked for a week for getting an A-!!!! I really tried hard not to disappoint my parents but nothing

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Father Figures

When I was 5 my parents divorced. My mum went to live with another man who took upon the role of step father.  His parenting style wasn’t great. I’ve written about it before and don’t want to focus on that now.  I don’t know what growing up with my biological father would have been like because I had limited contact with him after that. The role of the father. I think over the last 30 years there has been a shift in the participation of fathers in the role of parenting. I think there are many possible reasons for this. Perhaps because

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Antidepressants, pain meds and Sex

I’ve been medicated for quite some time in one form or another. In 2005 when I had my breakdown I was started on antidepressants and I think I’ve been fortunate in that they have never affected my sex drive or ability to orgasm. I know not everyone is as lucky. When my back first started to cause me severe pain and the drs started to put me onto pain medication things did begin to change. The medications made me sleepy or made me feel high. I was unfocused and I didn’t feel sexy especially when I started to put on

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Navigating rough seas

Maintaining a healthy mental state, is quite a challenge, at least it is for me.  I take medication daily which works well to stabilise my mood. I’ve been medicated for depression and anxiety since 2005, essentially 18 months after my dad passed away. I had a full blown breakdown in 2005. I stopped working. I stopped functioning. I stopped doing pretty much everything. I spent 3 years getting better. I spent 3 years learning to deal with rough seas. It wasn’t all doom and gloom. In fact my breakdown brought MrH and I closer together. I learned he was strong enough to

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Gaslighting

I didn’t think I’d ever been a victim of gaslighting, but after reading the post by Swirling Fire and looking at the image included (below) I realised I had actually been a victim of this 3 times…. The First Time The first time… that started when I was a child. With my mum and stepdad. To this day I say “sorry” for everything. If you bump into me, I say sorry. If you get angry, at anything, I say sorry. If you are tired, I say sorry. It drives MrH nuts!!! They always contradict my memories of events, even though

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The seven dwarfs

Now I’m not yet fully menopausal, but I’m heading that way. I had a hysterectomy 4 years ago and was told I would likely start menopause within 5 years due to the decreased blood supply. At the moment I get occasional night sweats, and I can be forgetful. I do know I still have mood swings, but now I have no periods to track them around, but I also know I have periods where I am quite likely to cry my heart out over something trivial. The thing that affected my mental health most was being overweight and feeling fat,

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