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Reflecting on – well everything

I said I wasn’t going to do this.  A old year reflection, a new year plan.  I don’t like it.  Plans suck.  Plans don’t happen.  At least for me.  So reflecting on 2019 all I see is a long list of failed plans.  And that sucks.

The things that didn’t happen
  • A biking holiday in Scotland
  • More Biking in general
  • Several Hotel Stays
  • Attending a rope workshop
  • Going to a BDSM event
  • Going out for a meal with some girlfriends
  • Turning a bedroom into a playroom
  • Finishing decorating the hallway
  • Visiting stately homes
  • Going for walks
Things that did

On reflection, the only fun thing we did, going to the bike show, made my back problem worse!

What’s wrong with you anyway?

I am, at the moment, taking some pretty heavy drugs to manage my pain (morphine and diazepam on top of the tramadol) because I had to go to a medical assessment to claim a benefit.  Being on these drugs, is not ideal, but I am hoping that in 2020 I will be offered surgery that may ease my pain permanently.  I was asked recently what caused my back injury.  The thing is, it wasn’t caused by an injury.  I just have advanced osteoarthritis (sounds very unspectacular doesn’t it) but it is more advanced than it should be for a person of my age.  The space between my discs has reduced because the discs have dehydrated, and as a result the facet joints rub together.  Every time I move they rub together and it hurts me.  The area is inflamed and every little movement is painful,  even touching my back over the lumbar spine hurts so much I feel sick.

Happy New Year?

Sounds like it has been a shitty year doesn’t it? And it kinda has.  That’s all I see when I consider reflecting on the year.  All the crap that went wrong.

I still have MrH and I still have 2 children; given that each of them has considered taking their lives, the fact they are still here is something I am very grateful for.

Reflecting on the good

From a blogging point of view, this has been a pretty successful year.

  • I took the site self hosted.
  • Sweetgirls Journal has been re-designed, I did most of it myself and made it more personal to me
  • The blog made it onto some amazing blog lists this year
  • I was asked to review some sex toys which I have really enjoyed doing.
  • Over the last 7 months I have found more confidence and have taken part in more writing memes
  • My love of lingerie has proved useful when I started to take part in Lingerie is for Everyone
  • I decided to continue to take part in Sinful Sunday and ignore my inner voice who tells me my images are too amateurish to take part.
  • We booked tickets for Eroticon and reserved a hotel room.
Supporting the Blogging Community
  • I asked if I could be a judge for Elust and they said yes. It is challenging to pick just 5 posts each month but I enjoy being part of the project.
  • Submissy accepted my offer to help her with Tell Me About, and I enjoy helping her with it.
  • I have volunteered to do and done the round ups for some of the meme’s I take part in, I will be doing more in 2020.
Here comes 2020

I am seeing the surgeon soon and I am hoping they might do one of two possible surgerys.  Either a fusion surgery that will stop the bones rubbing together by re-spacing them. The disc that is touching the nerves won’t be squashed out into the nerve space causing that pain either.  Alternatively, a disc replacement surgery, which will have a similar effect.  It will respace the bones and stop them rubbing together.  At least that is my hope.  Because the plan they have given us for the last 9 years (learn to live with it) just isn;t working for us any more.  I have no life.

I have entered the Smut Marathon and I am excited and nervous in equal parts to be taking part in that.

We have booked to go to Eroticon in March and I am so very excited to go there.  There are so many bloggers who I can’t wait to meet and it will be so amazing to have a few days away with MrH in London.  Beyond that we have no plans for next year because until we know what the surgeon comes up with we will not know what we can and cannot do.


Sweetgirl x

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15 thoughts on “Reflecting on – well everything”

  1. I hope you get your back surgery. I have back issues as well and I know how painful that can be. Congratulations on all your achievements this year. Sorry to hear about the “bad times” of 2019 but that’s pretty fucking cool to be going to Eroticon in March, something to look forward to.

  2. I’m finally accepting that I am disabled, handicapped from my multiple concussions and traumatic brain injuties which hsppened in June 2015. This disabling experience has become my lens to look at the world. Mine is not a visible handicap. It is still a challenge to accept that the me I knew is dead and that the new me is full of possibilty.
    You have so clearly shared what it is like to grieve the old familiar and birth the new unfamiliar. Thank you kindred spirit

  3. I really hope that 2020 will be a better year for you, Eroticon really sounds like a fantastic opportunity to have some fun and distract from the every day struggles with pain and worry for those you care about. And hopefully you will be able to get the right kind of surgery and things will improve immensely for you <3

  4. Pingback: This is me - Sweetgirl's Journal - Faith, Hope and Belief.

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