I said I wasn’t going to do this. A old year reflection, a new year plan. I don’t like it. Plans suck. Plans don’t happen. At least for me. So reflecting on 2019 all I see is a long list of failed plans. And that sucks.
On reflection, the only fun thing we did, going to the bike show, made my back problem worse!
I am, at the moment, taking some pretty heavy drugs to manage my pain (morphine and diazepam on top of the tramadol) because I had to go to a medical assessment to claim a benefit. Being on these drugs, is not ideal, but I am hoping that in 2020 I will be offered surgery that may ease my pain permanently. I was asked recently what caused my back injury. The thing is, it wasn’t caused by an injury. I just have advanced osteoarthritis (sounds very unspectacular doesn’t it) but it is more advanced than it should be for a person of my age. The space between my discs has reduced because the discs have dehydrated, and as a result the facet joints rub together. Every time I move they rub together and it hurts me. The area is inflamed and every little movement is painful, even touching my back over the lumbar spine hurts so much I feel sick.
Sounds like it has been a shitty year doesn’t it? And it kinda has. That’s all I see when I consider reflecting on the year. All the crap that went wrong.
I still have MrH and I still have 2 children; given that each of them has considered taking their lives, the fact they are still here is something I am very grateful for.
From a blogging point of view, this has been a pretty successful year.
I am seeing the surgeon soon and I am hoping they might do one of two possible surgerys. Either a fusion surgery that will stop the bones rubbing together by re-spacing them. The disc that is touching the nerves won’t be squashed out into the nerve space causing that pain either. Alternatively, a disc replacement surgery, which will have a similar effect. It will respace the bones and stop them rubbing together. At least that is my hope. Because the plan they have given us for the last 9 years (learn to live with it) just isn;t working for us any more. I have no life.
I have entered the Smut Marathon and I am excited and nervous in equal parts to be taking part in that.
We have booked to go to Eroticon in March and I am so very excited to go there. There are so many bloggers who I can’t wait to meet and it will be so amazing to have a few days away with MrH in London. Beyond that we have no plans for next year because until we know what the surgeon comes up with we will not know what we can and cannot do.
To see this week's posts for Food 4 Thought click the badge above.
For all of my Food 4 Thought posts click the badge below.