Punishment or Discipline?
In the world of BDSM, the ‘D’ can mean Discipline or Dominance. We don’t really explore the full scope of BDSM, because I am not a huge fan of pain. I do not want bruises or to bleed as some people who are masochistic do; and I don’t believe that MrH would want me bruised and bloodied. We exist more in the BD (Bondage & Discipline) and the DS (Dominance & Submission) range. While we explore bondage, (I love being tied up), we do not do much by way of discipline.
I have a set of rules to follow and they are not difficult, but I am human and flawed, so there are times when I do not. The ones I don’t follow well are about eating and drinking. I do not drink as much as I am required to. I don’t remember to write down or track what I drink in an app, so I have no idea if I meet the daily target, I am not allowed to eat foods that are off plan without permission, and occasionally I do. The thing is, when I don’t follow the rules there isn’t a consequence that makes me not want to break the rule.
The Carrot or The Stick?
It generally thought that people are better motivated when they are offered a reward for their efforts. MrH has tried offering an incentive for good behavior, but unfortunately it doesn’t motivate me. Usually something stops me from getting what I want. I mean I want my navel pierced but MRIs, X-rays and operations are not possible with piercings. There isn’t anything I want enough to make me follow the rules. Rather than a reason to do it, I need a reason not to. In my case a stick is more successful than the carrot.
Punishments can’t be fun.
There are many ways to punish someone. Some of my early infractions were dealt with by me having to write lines. I disliked it, but it wasn’t difficult, and it didn’t really stop me from doing it again. Although in the case of not going downstairs at night without permission I have never broken that rule again. I believe a spanking would be more effective, but MrH believes that because I like being spanked it wouldn’t be a punishment.
It’s all about the delivery.
I believe that if MrH delivered a spanking as a punishment it would not be enjoyable. Whether by hand, with the squealer or paddle, if his intent was to punish me the intent would be different. For example:
“Sweetgirl, come here. You failed to follow one of your rules, please tell me again what you did wrong. I want to know you understand.”
“I ate a cake without asking permission. This is against the rules Sir.”
“I am disappointed that you did not follow my rule. It is there for your benefit because you asked me to help you. You will now receive 5 spanks with the paddle. They will hurt. This is so you remember what you did wrong and deter you from doing it again. After you have been spanked you will apologise and be forgiven. Do you understand and agree to your punishment?”
“Get onto the bed, on your hands and knees. I will count each strike. If you need to cry out do so, I will not stop unless you safeword, and even then it will continue when you have had a minute.”
SMACK, “5”, SMACK, “4”, SMACK, “3”, SMACK, “2”, SMACK, “1”.
“I am sorry Sir.”
“You are forgiven, you will not think about this, or beat yourself up, it is over. Come here for a hug”
This is very different in tone and delivery to a fun spanking, like the one described in my recent post and MrH would probably struggle with this kind of scenario.
What works for you.
I think as with any topic you have to come up with a plan that you both agree with. You have to be comfortable with it and when one person isn’t sure, then further discussion is needed. Is it something that should be pushed past? Is this about getting out of your comfort zone and exploring new things? Or, is it something that you absolutely can not do? Either way, it is important to communicate with each other and then decide what works for you.
This post is linked to Sex Bloggers for Mental Health #48, ‘Rewards & Punishments’, click HERE to see more posts inspired by the topic.