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Overcoming … Embarrassment

This post isn’t an easy one to write. But I’m going to do it anyway. Because I think I need to.

Since we started in D/s we’ve explored so much and grown so much but in other areas I struggle.

One of these is talking to MrH about intimate things. Talking about my body, what I fantasize about. When I do I hide my face, I feel shame and embarrassment. And I wish I didn’t. I can write it without issue. But I’d like to get to a point where I can look at him and tell him.


MrH has these boxer shorts… I love them, they feel amazing but when we went away we couldn’t find them. So MrH gave me permission to buy a replacement pair. When they arrived he put them on and I took some pictures.

Aren’t they gorgeous??

So last night MrH was in the bath and I was looking at these images. I got aroused and decided that as MrH wasn’t feeling well, and therefore play was unlikely, I would to get promises out of the kink bag and enjoy some solo play.

Before I continue I want to point out that MrH has specifically told me that if I feel aroused and I want to masturbate I should go ahead. “I want you to enjoy your body” he told me.

So, why all this embarrassment??

Sometimes I “squirt” when I masturbate. I usually fold a towel under me “just in case” but last night I didn’t.

Well – you guessed it. Last night’s self play and orgasm ended with a squirting O.

The bed was wet and I was mortified.

I put towels down and dried the mattress and sheet as much as possible then put towels down. Tidied up and crawled back into bed.

MrH finished in the bath and he laid on the bed as usual. I snuggled up and tried to tell him what had happened.

It must have taken me 45 minutes to finally say the simplest thing.. which was that I had enjoyed myself fantasizing about his sexy shorts, while he was in the bath.

He was quite puzzled by my embarrassment. “When have I ever told you you had to ask permission?” He asked. I think he thought I believed I had broken a rule.. so when I confessed to having wet the bed, he just said, that’s not a problem. Many women would love to be able to have an orgasm like that, there’s no need to be ashamed of something natural.

Have I ever said how amazing MrH is???? 😀

Of course it didn’t shift my feelings. They are deeply ingrained. But I hope that in time I can learn to be less self conscious…

So, I’m writing this to make me face it…..

Here goes:

I had a squirting O and there’s nothing wrong with it! It’s normal, it’s natural and feels great too!

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9 thoughts on “Overcoming … Embarrassment”

  1. I have the same sort of issue speaking to HD directly. I can text fairly well and I can journal better, but I hem and haw and hesitate and lose my words when I try to tell him face-to-face. You aren’t alone in that!
    I’m so jealous that you’re allowed to masturbate when you feel the need. 😛

  2. Pingback: Fear – Sweetgirl’sjournal

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