We sometimes struggle to find topics to talk about, and rather than cancel I found an online kink questionnaire and we decided to go through it and see how our answers differed and what we shared an interest in. It isn’t the first time we have done these, in fact I think we have now done three or four of them. Usually I answer them and MrH reads them, nodding or shaking his head. This time I sent him the link and we read them together both giving our answers. I wanted to know where his interests lay without my influence. I wanted to know if there were things he wanted to try that he hadn’t told me about.
Well, there were a couple of things that came up that showed a willingness to explore new things. One of my early posts Setting limits talks about my early list and the things that I set as limits. Back then (2017) I didn’t have the vocabulary to articulate what I was willing to try – quite simply I had no idea what was out there – not really. As part of the A2Z blogging challenge I wrote some more about Limits and show they had changed.
Bondage and suspension
In the post Setting Limits I said that the first 6 things on my ‘Hell No’ list would never change. Well here I am eating my words. Gags have moved to my ‘willing to try’ list with some caveats. Ball, phallic, ring and bit gags remain on my hell no list, but, cloth and leather gags are now fair game for MrH. MrH expressed an interest in using stocks, whereas my response was no. Full hoods, straight jackets, sleepsacks, vacuum beds and mummification were no’s for us both.
Impact and percussion
In this instance, we pretty much agreed on everything. Belts remain on my hell no, although I have had some fantasies where he takes off his belt, and puts me over his knee for some wrong doing, and he uses the belt on me. The idea of him punishing me is intoxicating. I am really intrigued by the idea of him stepping up the control. I feel as if I need him to pull me and push me to be better. I want him to make me follow the rules he sets, and to check up on me. I really want to feel as if I can’t get away with anything. I want to know I have no wiggle room. I want him to check up on me, check my food diary, make sure I write down everything I eat, and ultimately punish me for a weight gain, but I digress. Slippers, breast slapping, pussy whipping, slapping or punching are on both of our no lists (I should point out my definition of a slap is when the arm is drawn fully back, and swung in a full arc, not a light tap where only the wrist is flexed) and I’m certain that won’t change.
For the most part there is nothing off limits to MrH sexually. I have learned that Anal beads are not my friend, so that is now on the no list. Figging and rimming are no’s for both of us. There have been things that we have read about others doing, which has in turn brought them to the table for discussion. Reading Purplesgem’s post Speculum Play meant when we came to this item on the list I said I was curious about vaginal speculum play but not interested in anal speculum play; MrH said he was not interested in either so they will sit on the no list unless MrH chooses to move them.
Forced homosexuality is a no for us both, as is the use of a strap on dildo. Group sex is a no from both of us, whereas outdoor sex is a maybe. Short term sexual deprivation was a willing to try from me with a no to long term. MrH asked for my definition of short term and I said no more than a week. Swapping, swinging and threesomes are no’s from us both.
Everything on the sensation play list apart from clothespins, sensory deprivation and hot oil on genitals I am hoping we do more wax play.
Cutting, piercing and body modification
Pretty much everything on this list was a no from us both, although we have recently discussed needle play. Some of the patterns people create are so lovely and I think we are both curious. Knife play is something we have also discussed. I love the idea of him cutting clothes off me, and touching me with a knife, but not cutting me. I think MrH shares the same views on this.
Asphyxiation, breath control and choking. Hmmm these are odd ones. I love it when MrH puts his hands around the top of my throat and applies pressure, but when he does this, at no time does he restrict my breathing. So I am not sure if people would say that qualifies,but to me it does.
Teasing, private verbal humiliation, slutty clothing in pubic and private, outdoor scenes and public exposure are all fair game but spitting, objectification and shaving head hair are definitely on our no list.
Body part torture
We do use nipple clamps, and on this list, that is the only item that was a yes. Some of them are not applicable as I do not have cock and balls.
We don’t think that we have anything that truly qualifies as a fetish. MrH likes me in stockings and lingerie, but he prefers me naked. There isn’t anything that truly qualifies as a fetish, neither MrH nor I have anything that we need for gratification other than each other.
A couple of things that MrH expressed an interest in which surprised me was role play. Again inspired by Purplesgem and their post whats the code MrH has expressed a desire to try this. I for one am really excited by this, I am curious about CNC play which this would dabble in. Of course my little impatient mind is desperate for him to do this now! I mean right now. Today. This will in no way surprise MrH, he knows what I am like.
Service and restrictive behavior
We have rules for me to follow that would fall into this category, and with the exception of washroom restrictions, being fed, licking, and things that would involve another person, MrH is free to utilise the things listed there.
Voyeurism and exhibitionism
This is an area of curiosity. Nudity in private is a definite yes for us both, in public, well we have spoken about a clothed male, naked female event and so this is on the willing to try list. We discuss on occasion playing in public which would involve an interest in exhibitionism, and as we enjoyed watching the flogging I can say that we do have an interest in voyeurism. I regularly take photo’s for MrH and sinful Sunday, and I have recorded videos for him too. I don’t know that I would want the video’s to be made public, and that is under the control of MrH and open to discussion, as are most things in all fairness.
Pet and age roleplay, bodily fluids and functions
These things are absolute no’s, MrH doesn’t like the idea of being called Daddy and although I have written about how I can understand why people in this dynamic can feel so taken care of that their Dominant becomes a caretaker/father figure, I do not think it would be something we would ever indulge in. Animal play is not something either of us has an interest in and MrH said from the very beginning of our journey that he had no desire to control my use of the bathroom, or any other bodily fluid,
I think it is important to regularly review your lists of limits, it allows you to grow within your dynamic and enables the Dominant to check things are still moving in the right direction, that is the direction that both of you agree on.
I know MrH uses my yes and maybe lists when he makes plans for play, and by reviewing them as we did he now has new areas to explore, when the mood takes him.
I have also chosen to link this post to Wicked Wednesday. The prompt this week is ‘Authentic’ and while this post is not exactly on the topic of authenticity, it is about a Wednesday night chat, and required us to be honest about our intentions and desires.