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Feeling disconnected

There are times when I feel like I ‘need’ MrH to push me into feeling submissive. This usually coincides with times when our bedroom play has been limited.


Our children are not children anymore at 24 and 19 (sorry for those followers who already know that) and MrH and I have no intention of them being aware of our D/s relationship, or the BDSM elements that we experiment with and/or enjoy.

That means that when they are at home and awake our play can be severely restricted. Recently our 19 year old “heard” MrH spanking me, and he came out of his bedroom to ask if the sounds were coming from our room.

MrH is planning to start exploring rope bondage but doesn’t want to have the situation occur where the kids want our attention and I’m in odd positions. I guess if he’s able to lie me down and put the quilt over me it may look like I am just in bed, but these interruptions do spoil the mood.

My submission

So for the last week MrH hasn’t played with me. What? Just a week I hear you say? Get back to me when he’s been away for months!!! Suck it up. I’m feeling – almost disconnected. Not necessarily from MrH, because we still snuggle and do our daily rituals, more from my submissive mental state.

When MrH plays with me, I float away from my body and loose myself in him. I’m his, that’s all I know, I’ll be and do what ever he asks of me, as long as I can keep floating.

Having not had that for the last week – I just don’t feel quite right.


I don’t know.

I’ve read about feeding submission, but how? Being new to this I’m floundering, and I’ve discussed it with MrH his morning and asked him if he can think of anything to help me. I don’t know what he may come up with or even if he fully knows what I am feeling to be able to help.


So I’m asking my followers:

Subs: have you felt this and how do you deal with it?

Dominants: have you seen your subs experience this and how did you deal with it?

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14 thoughts on “Feeling disconnected”

  1. Hi SwG. This might help you: https://fcsyblog.wordpress.com/2017/10/13/thoughts-on-sub-frenzy/

    I get blocked as well. I end up having to use fantasy as a means to try to trigger myself.

    I also think there is another mental space you have not reached yet. You often describe it as “floating away,” but there are other spaces that make you feel bonded to him and overflowing with love. When you fantasize about things, what sort of feelings do you have?

    1. Hi FC. That’s exactly how I’m feeling. Although right now this second I’m tearing up, I think because I’ve recognised that I’m very quickly heading to the ‘what’s wrong with me/why am I so needy/why can’t I just accept that what MrH is giving me right now is all I can have” areas of this and as I do battle with depression the last thing I want is to be there – I also don’t want MrH to say if I react in this way we have to stop.
      I guess as far as fantasies go I’m not sure how to answer that. At the moment they are probably extremely tame. But they are also things I can’t have because of the restrictions we have… being restrained… being spanked… are my top ones… I also think about being ‘ordered around/controlled’ told where to sit, told when to speak or not,’
      We have our daily collar/chain ritual and during those exchanges I feel the calm settle over me, I relax head to toe, but it’s over so quickly it’s almost a tease…
      At the minute I feel loose?? Like I need to be tightly wrapped so I don’t fall apart. I enjoy the restraint that MrH does… I mean cuffs, ties, spreader, anything that controls my body physically. I’m heading to a place where I almost ‘want’ MrH to hurt me and normally that’s not where I am at and MrH has expressed that he has no desire to inflict pain.
      MrH will let me snuggle but it falls into an odd area … in my fantasy perfect world MrH would demand that I go to him and snuggle… in reality I ask if I can. I like that he holds me and I feel safe and loved but its not the same because I asked for it – does that make sense FC? It’s the same when I kneel in front of him and put my head on his knee. MrH let’s me but he doesn’t ask me to and so I don’t feel the same level of submission I’m always hovering because I instigated it..
      Maybe this falls into expecting too much and fantasy v reality… I don’t know 😢 I just feel bad for feeling bad 😢

      1. I think it you are having submissive mental space chemical withdrawls. Most subs will go through this when life gets in the way and blocks the type of dynamics you want to have. You aren’t alone.

        What I do with fantasy is to try and envision a prolonged state of submission: one where the chemical flow is prolonged. It is often hard for newer dominants to understand the scope of things and how to use protocols to keep you in mental space. Writing and sharing a fantasy can go a long ways in providing them a road map on how your mind reacts to things. Right now you are wanting your submission to react to dominance.

        I wrote a non-sexual fantasy here as an example if you want to give it a read: https://fursissy.wordpress.com/femdom-erotica/breakfast-short-story/

        You could try envisioning your own version.

        Take care.

          1. Something I will add is that you shouldn’t feel bad for needing dominance. There is, however, a balance of doing as much self-management as you can in order to be in a position where the dominance you do/can receive is “enough” or close to enough to keep the aches away.

            Doing the parts that you can so that the “burden” is minimized helps a lot with avoiding negative thought loops. There is a difference between accepting that you have needs and being needy 🙂
            For now it is a matter of finding a balance and communicating what needs you have that can be reasonably met.

            Take care.

                1. I will definitely give it a try ….. so far the only things I’ve written have had a sexual component…. so it will be interesting to try and put together something that isn’t 😊

                  1. It will be interesting. I think you will find a lot of ways that submission can be used in a more covert way. You may also find some ways to display submission that didn’t stand out to you before.

                    Good luck.

  2. Hi Sweetgirl
    Furcissy has many good ideas. Here are things I find useful: saying my mantra, being told what to do/wear/eat and when to do it. Being made to do anything. Sometimes my Queen will have me go commando. That and the wearing of the cage puts me in a submissive frame of mind. She will send me sexy texts and messages. She has snuck a pair of her panties into my things and later called me at work to tell me where they are and that I must put hem on. Inspections. Being refused the right to speak or to ask questions. Eating from the floor. Eating without utensils. Many of these things are done rarely though some are our go to things. Writing a daily journal that says how I feel, what I experience and any fantasies or dreams I have had. Next week I get the first tattoo I’ve ever had—at her command/request.

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