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Our D/s relationship has created an emotional closeness that I love. No, more than that, something that I crave.

The more time that goes between play the more distance seem to grow back. The more distant I feel. Then I start to examine behaviour.

I stop cuddling up because I want MrH to tell me to.

I stop touching him because I want to see if MrH will tell me to.

I realised last night that I start “testing” MrH. In my mind I’m still wondering how much he wants to dominate me. I want him to demand my submission. Over one year on, and I’m still pushing him to be more dominant than he chooses to be.

And I hate that about myself.

I shouldn’t test him.

I shouldn’t challenge him.

I need to behave better.


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