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Bloody Useless

This morning when I got up, I was so tired and in so much pain I cried.  Can you imagine that? You open your eyes and as soon as you move pain hits you. Chronic pain, the pain I have, is I think something very few people fully understand.

“Have you taken some pain killers?”

Yes, I have actually been asked this.  My mum is one of the worst offenders.  She resides deep in the “pull yourself together and get on with it” camp.  She has no idea how hard I find it some days, to put one foot in front of the other.  I mean quite literally, each step hurts.

Twist, pain.

Bend, pain.

Cough, pain.

Sneeze, pain.

Lift leg, pain.

Go upstairs, pain.

Sit, pain.

Stand, pain.

Walk, pain.

I’m sure you get the picture.


I’m frustrated.  I mean really frustrated.  Between my normal back pain and now this this bilateral sciatic pain, my pain is up at an 8, (usually it’s about a 5 or 6).  Its keeping me awake, and that means I’m tired.  When you add this physical exhaustion to the mental exhaustion from the stress at work, I’m worried I am heading back to a bad place.

This chart may help you to understand the way I measure pain.

I just want the pain to go away.  I want to sleep.

Surely this isn’t too much to ask?

To read more about my battle with chronic pain and depression click the links below:

How’s your pain?

Please take my pain away…

Black Hole

Antidepressants, pain meds and Sex



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16 thoughts on “Bloody Useless”

  1. I feel your frustration as well as the emotions from the pain. Pain meds only do so much and I hate relying on them. It’s just not that easy as taking a pill and many people don’t understand that. Mine is centralized in my S1 and some days I feel like I have a real tail lol. Sending you well wishes and love. Xo

    1. I feel for you… i have L5 down to S1… this bilateral pain has been a new addition, since March this year, but it seems to be getting worse every day.. or maybe I’m just so darn tired and stressed I can’t cope with it.

      I hope yours isn’t too bad at the moment ❤

      1. I’m sure the stress is not helping. I know when I’m stressed I don’t sleep well which leads to more pain and more stress. Quite the vicious cycle. I hope you find some relief soon!
        I’m 🤞ok right now. My stress level has dropped and I’m getting back into my gym routine so it’s helping a lot. ❤️

  2. I’m sorry it hurts so much and understand some how wearing it is. I have scarred shoulder cartridge from a full SLAP tear and whilst it’s nowhere near your level of pain I can relate to the sensation of nagging pain in the background. I really hope they can ease it soon for you x

  3. I feel you. My chronic pain combined with stress and lack of sleep contributed to my own relapse. I wish there was a way to take away your pain for you, but of course that magic doesn’t exist. I send you cyberhugs and I hope that you get enough of an easing to enable you to get at least a few hours of comfortable rest. 💐

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