My last post Blah talked about how I was feeling a bit off and how MrH had read over my shoulder that I “wasn’t in a good place,” which prompted him to start a conversation about it.
I amended the original ending to include that we had talked, and went on to say what I should have perhaps said. MrH didn’t see the altered ending.
I nipped to the loo. When I came back he was waiting with my night collar. He changed my collar. I was wearing a cotton nightie (so S2 isn’t confronted by a naked mum) and I went to take it off so he could do my ibuprofen gel. He stopped me.
He took the hem of the nightie and pulled it off, which I really liked (I love it when he undresses me) and he pulled me against him.
“Remember I love you,” he said. “Now, get on the bed, arse in the air, I’m going to cane you.”
I hadn’t noticed he had put the pillows out. I got into position and he began.
It was harder than usual.
I flinched, and gasped.
He checked in frequently. I have discussed with him how sometimes I stop being able to speak and so now he takes my hand and one squeeze is I’m ok, two or more is I am not… sometimes him taking my hand and asking the question means I am able to say yes or no, because it pulls me back a little.
Last night, when he checked in the last time, I squeezed a couple of times and he said “yellow?” And I squeezed his hand firmly. He understood, I was reaching my limit, and decided to stop.
It was what I needed.
I can still feel it this morning and I am now in a good place, for now at least.