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A little Respect

Respect is, in my opinion, one of the cornerstones required for any relationship, not just a D/s one, but how we show that respect can be different from person to person  If an outsider looked in on Mr H and I in the middle of a D/s play session they may feel he shows me no respect at all, for what husband with respect for his wife would call her his slut or whore? Well, one who knows that in the right context these words turn her on, I suppose, and so as always I will apply the caveat, that the thoughts expressed here apply to my relationship and is my opinion, which may differ from yours.

Wise words from my grandmother.

My Grandmother was full of amazing advice.  I have mentioned her before and how I model my relationship on theirs.  One of the things she told me was, “you should never speak disrespectfully about your husband (or wife) to other people and you shouldn’t be telling your friends you are unhappy because there are only two* people who matter in a marriage, and only two people who can change it.”  She meant your friends and family, but increasingly today I see people airing their laundry on social media for all the world to see.  Of course I talk about our relationship on here, but I do so with Mr H’s knowledge, and I do not do so disrespectfully. 

Showing Respect.

When I discuss our relationship I do so in order to convey the ups and downs of normal married life.  It is not meant to make him feel inadequate, or belittle him in any way because I feel that would be disrespectful.  On a few occasions he has been upset by things I have written on my blog, and there have been occasions that my posts have been modified after publication but that happened more when my blog was new and we were working out ‘how’ to moderate the content to ensure it remained respectful while maintaining the authenticity of being autobiographical.  In my post “Hairy Pussy” I discussed how my disability was affecting me and our relationship.  Mr H and I discussed my feelings at length after the post was written and I followed the post with “Prioritising Intimacy” which explained how we did this and how we planned to resolve the situation.  It was shared in order to demonstrate how we dealt with it, and for no other reason.

The problem with social media.

Although I do discuss our lives on here, what I do not do, is plaster it on social media.  I do not believe it is appropriate to have personal conversations displayed on facebook or twitter for all and sundry to see and I do not wish to be privy to what should be a private conversation.  I stopped going on facebook about 3 years ago when I was fed up to the back teeth of people bad mouthing their partners, sharing every detail of their lives (I do not need to see a picture every time a baby drools) or even more annoying, the attention seeking “I’m done/fed up/upset/had the worst day ever” posts.  Either tell people why or don’t, but expecting the world to DM you asking “what’s up?” is just attention seeking!  

I follow a number of D/s bloggers on twitter, (which I use primarily as a tool for sharing my blog posts), bloggers like Submissy and Hislordship, Marie RebelleMay More, and Purplesgem who all have twitter accounts.  These bloggers do not have personal conversations on Twitter either, although they do write about their relationships on their blogs where they are able to provide context.  I also believe they feel that it isn’t necessary to prove how much you ‘love’ someone by putting it all over social media.      

One of the things I found when we started our D/s journey was that we (Mr H and I) did not talk as much as we ought to.  We were comfortable, things were fine, and we were happy, but when we started to communicate more effectively with each other, our relationship improved a lot.  When I am unsettled, I don’t stew on it anymore, I either speak out, or I write about it so Mr H can read it and he can talk to me about it.  I do not seek the advice or solace of people outside our relationship, although on occasion I have spoken to friends when Mr H is unable to talk and I need to vent feelings so I do not explode.  Mostly this is due to frustration with my physical condition, and during work hours Mr H can’t take time to remind me how unreasonable I am being, and I do not do it in a public forum, because I have respect for him. 

Love, honor and Obey.

Mr H has always treated me with respect.  He speaks to me kindly, is always polite and hardly ever swears.  He is what you would call a gentleman, and he treats me like a lady.  I know he wishes I didn’t swear as much as I do, and so out of respect to his wishes I try not to.  I do not always succeed.  He shows me he loves me every day, and I do not need him to do so on social media for it to be true.  For my part I try hard to speak to him with deference, but I am not perfect, and with my current situation frustration often colours my tone. When this happens, as soon as the words pass my lips I wish I could call them back.  This isn’t possible, but I apologise to him for being rude or disrespectful, I do this privately, out of respect for our relationship.  Our marriage is not an episode of ‘I’m a celebrity..’ I do not require public likes or votes to make it meaningful.

submissive wife date night

Respect and D/s.

With the D/s in our relationship there are also boundaries we have agreed on and must be respected, safewords and activities that have been placed on a no list.  If you do not have respect for each other, on a basic level, I would suggest that you have no business engaging in a D/s dynamic.

Sweetgirl x

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* Yes I know, if you are in a poly relationship there are more than two! but my gran didn’t know of any polyamorous relationships.

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16 thoughts on “A little Respect”

  1. I guess I don’t need to write for this prompt…you already said so many important things 😉

    I also deleted my facebook. I used to frequent some polyamory groups and at some point two people were publicly doing their breakup and with others taking sides. The general tone went hostile and arrogant pretty quickly. I felt very uncomfortable and no longer safe to participate.
    a mental switch recently posted…Cane me until I cryMy Profile

  2. I’ve observed the plastering of a relationship over social media and it’s precursors for over 25 years and you know I rather conclude that it is the result of personal and relationship insecurities. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the majority of those I’ve seen doing it break up. Often they serially move to the next relationship played out in public and the whole thing happens again.

    There’s strength and stability in knowing what’s private, in not needing the false affirmation of likes on a tweet or FB status. That’s how it used to be as your wise grandmother said. It also gives time to heal wounds and tears that couldn’t be done in the glare of public pronouncements.

    Great post on the boundaries, not just of mutual respect, but where it should be no one else’s business but your own 🌹🌹
    melody recently posted…SwirlingFire: A Pocketful of ChangesMy Profile

  3. I prefer not to plaster our relationship all over, although I do occasionally post a message that I love Master T, but that’s mostly on his birthday, or with Christmas or New Year’s. Other than that I prefer to write about things on my blog, things that are in my mind, but I don’t play out our relationship there, and will never do so on social media. I have seen others doing it, and frankly, I find it distasteful… and also disrespectful, not only to others, but also to themselves.

    That said, when someone comes to me in private for advice on their relationship, I will listen, and will give my honest opinion/advice.

    Rebel xox
    Marie Rebelle recently posted…The initiatives of #noEroticonMy Profile

    1. Yes if someone comes to me for advice I do offer my opinion/advice, although since embarking on a D/s relationship my advice does now always come with a “you really need to find a way to talk to them” too.

      Except with domestic violence- then I would advise extrication from the situation and involving the authorities.

      Thank you for reading Marie and your comment, sending best wishes to you and your loved ones and hope that you all stay safe and well x

      Sweetgirl x

  4. You know my man would tan my arse if i spoke about our tittle tattle on twitter – damn i better do it lol
    Seriously who wants to know about the argument we had yesterday – i want to let everyone know about the sexy stuff and the problematic stuff – but do that on my own space, my blog – ty for a great post Sweet x
    May More recently posted…When Lightning Comes From The EastMy Profile

    1. Sounds like a good reason to be naughty 😊

      Thank you for reading and commenting, please stay safe, sending best wishes to you and your loved ones and hope that you all stay safe and well x

      Sweetgirl x

  5. You’ve covered so much here, pretty much all of which I completely agree with. I have observed far to much dirty laundry airing on social media and it really annoys me. But that’s another topic lol xx
    Julie recently posted…HuggingMy Profile

  6. Hi sweet. I read this post when you first published it but I see now I haven’t commented to I must have been interrupted as I thought I had. Firstly thank you for the shout out here in your post. Secondly I love the sound of your grandma and I totally agree with her. I actually pulled away from socialising with some of my vanilla friends as the conversations about how stupid, inadequate or irritating their husbands were, seemed to be mandatory. A great post – thank you 😊
    missy recently posted…Being RespectfulMy Profile

    1. Thank you for your comment ❤ I’m always thrilled when I see you have left a comment on my blog. You are welcome for the shout out too. My gran was amazing.

      Be safe and well Missy x

      Sweetgirl x

  7. Your grandma sounds like a very wise woman! I also don’t like if people post their issues all over social media because I think small fights don’t matter the next day anyway, but it is difficult to change the fact that you have told the whole world about it. As a matter of fact, I don’t even post about my own personal issues on any of my social media, and when I do so on my blog, then it is not to vent but to spread awareness or to show others that they are not alone with what they are going through. I do think that it is okay to talk to trusted friends when you have relationship trouble, because sometimes some feedback from someone outside out of the relationship can be helpful. Respect should also come from both sides, and in a D/s, that is so obvious, but in vanilla relationships, many people allow their partners to push them around, which is very sad.

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