Recognition, validation and Giving Thanks

Part of being human is the need to feel like you are part of a community, to belong if you like, and to feel valued within that sphere. This year I have been fortunate enough to be included in two different Top 100 Sex Blog lists and for that I am so very grateful, truly, but initially I didn’t react in a way I can be proud of.

Being Nominated to Molly’s Top 100 Sex Bloggers (sponsored by Chatterbate)

On the 1st October, the post went up asking for nominations for the 2019 list, I nominated 26 established blogs and 2 new voices, I could also see that my own blog had been nominated and I felt so happy to have been noticed.  In 2018 when the nominations opened my blog was almost 1 year old, and I have no idea if I would have been considered a new voice or not as my first post went live on the 6th November 2017, but to my knowledge I was not nominated for consideration for the list at all, so to see that some of my peers considered now my blog worthy of a nomination felt fantastic.  I felt that my work was being appreciated.

The Kinkly Sex Blogging Superheroes

Shortly after this while looking through my Twitter feed, I noticed a fellow blogger asking for votes so she could qualify for the Kinkly Sex Blogging Superheros Top 100 List and I went to see what it was about.  Hastily I added my blog to their site, waited for it to be available to vote on and then begged (there’s no other way to describe it) for the 5 votes I needed in order to be considered for the top 100- I had only 2 days to get the votes.  The voting window closed and I had no idea if I had received the 5 votes, I put it out of my mind and continued to blog away as normal, updating the images and SEO to my blog posts.  When the list was released on the 4th November 2019 I was so thrilled to be on there.

Kinkly no-longer ranks the list when it is published it is simply posted in alphabetical order, but once posted on the list your blog is ranked by them, as well as tracked by a number of programs to see how searchable your blog is, traffic to your site and so on.  On their list the higher you rank the better so 100 is their top blog.  This morning when I looked I am ranked 58, and that’s a great feeling.  After 2 years of blogging I had some recognition from the professional blogging community,  more than that, I was in the top 50. I felt proud of my blog, of my work and grateful too.

Feedback from Molly

The nominations for the Chatterbate list closed and Molly went to do her thing.  She contacted me to tell me that my Twitter link wasn’t working.  It took me a while to work out why because the follow me button worked and the posts linked up to twitter, but the button on the header menu just didn’t want to work! I was really cross.  A simple thing like a link not working could mean the difference between my blog being included or not – I mean I would have seen it as a functionality issue if I were judging.  I had been battling for weeks trying to get the mobile pages to pick up the custom CSS changing the colours and fonts, wanting to make my site different to the basic theme.  I wanted to put my own spin on it, make it mine.  Eventually I got it working and I was so pleased with myself – I did the obligatory happy dance!  Molly also told me that the menu wasn’t showing up well in her browser, and so I went to investigate why.  Having fixed that, cleared the cache and so on, I thanked her for her feedback.

After she had assessed my blog she gave me some more advice.  I welcomed this and took everything on board.  Off I went and found plugins to generate and show a random post, added a better link to the blog from my home page.  I made the categories and archives into drop down lists so they took up less space.   Unfortunately I knew that now I had the random post generator, I would need to get my skates on and reset images to the posts pre March 19.  When I went self hosted none of the images were migrated, so I had over 400 posts without a featured image.  The changes didn’t go well, the menu just didn’t want to fix and no matter what I did the menu was unreadable in firefox or ie.  I asked Michael for help and he found the problem.  It was a background issue with siteground, once that was sorted everything worked and looked how it should.  He also gave me some advice, suggesting I make sure that links to external pages always open in a new tab so I don’t take people away from my own site.

Having seen all these issues I resigned myself to probably not making the list at all, instead I went back to updating the featured images, adding keywords to activate the SEO and writing new posts.

Still I checked

On the 1st of December she released the new voices list, and I was delighted that both blogs that I had nominated had made the list.  She advised that the top 100 would be posted the following day.  The list came out and I was at work, so I didn’t see it until I got home.  Was I on it? There had been 192 nominations…. almost 50% wouldn’t be on there.  I scoured the list, recognising the names of blogs I knew,

You ungrateful bitch

And, there I was at number 45.  I had made it.   I had a mixed reaction – I am actually ashamed of how I felt reading the list.  There was a moment of joy.  Then my inner voice piqued up.  There were blogs newer than mine that had ranked higher.  What was wrong with my blog that I had been lower than them?  Like I said – I am ashamed of this part of myself.  MrH gave my head a thorough wobble.

I thought your blog was for you and not for the popularity?

And it is, but who doesn’t want to have a pat on the back too?  I realised I was being very ungracious and unreasonable.  I looked at my stats, something I very rarely do.  On average I get 200 views a day on my blog, and if I were to compare that to other people it is probably not very high, but for a blog that started as nothing more than a way for me to process how I was feeling and share that experience with other submissives that is amazing.  I did a post sharing the list and offering congratulations to everyone who had made the list.  Still kicking myself in the arse for being so ungrateful.

Messages to and from Fellow Bloggers

I messaged a few of the bloggers who I interact with via twitter or The SafeworD/s Club congratulating them. They offered congratulations in return.  I spoke honestly admitting that I had a few moments of disappointment where I wished I had been higher.  I was not jealous of their successes – rather it felt that my placement was a validation that I was not good enough.  Once again my peers were amazing, assuring me that this was not the case.

One lady, the lovely May More, reached out and offered her congratulations on being placed so highly.  She went on to share with me that her first year she had been placed at number 51.  My Jaw dropped.  I couldn;t believe it.  Her blog is amazing!  How could she have ranked at 51, and I ranked 45… It was in that moment I realised how pathetic it was to feel disappointed.  That I was being ungrateful and in that moment I did not like myself or how I had reacted.  My blog was in the top 50 of the list and that is amazing!


May asked me if I wanted any advice, and of course I accepted – did I mention how much I like her blog? She suggested I get a gallery for images, increase the number of random posts from 1 to 3 and include a list of blogs I follow.  All these things have now been done.  I played about with the gallery’s available.  The first one I picked showed thumbnails and as my images are all different sizes it meant that many of the images did not display well.  I went back to the plugins and searched the options, eventually I found one I liked and began again.

Website Development

This weekend with Michaels help (in truth he created it), I have added a subdomain for MrH’s blog to be on, built the site, and linked them together.  All my posts have been optimised (not all of them are perfect by any means but they are at least done!). I have also added Tell Me About to my main menu, and a side widget with the badge, explaining that I co-host the meme with SubMissy,  I felt my blog should reflect my involvement in the project.  I also decided to update my header image.

All in all I am really happy with the way my site looks now.  It has a fresh new look, has colours I love and I will continue to pour my heart and soul into it.  It is my journal, my thoughts and experiences on life and love, it chronicles my struggle with chronic pain and depression, and explores my journey as a submissive wife.

18 Replies to “Recognition, validation and Giving Thanks”

  1. I love how candid you were about your placement. I think we all want some sort of recognition or else why would we write? Yes, of course, we write for ourselves but we could easily do that in a notebook. We do this to be seen, heard.. and share with those who are like-minded. I love the updates to your site and I may tweek mine for this coming year. So thank you for being honest and sharing what many of us may have thought. ❤️

    1. I’ve been blogging over 10 years. My new site is just almost 2 years old, and while I made rank 5 on Molly’s list (which amazed me, honestly), I wasn’t even in the top 200 on kinkly. I was hurt to see that, but then had to remind myself that it doesn’t really matter at the end of the day. I’m gonna write the same thing anyway. It is hard not to be swayed by these lists, but you have a good blog and that is what matters. It’s a haven for your soul, and other people like it and gain strength from it. That is more important than a rank or a badge any day.

      1. Thank you for your message… I think it is very hard to balance (in that moment) what you feel with what you know you should feel. If that makes sense? We want to ignore lists, but we also like to get a job well done from our peers… i enjoy reading your blog too, very much and the memes you manage as well. ❤

  2. I’m glad you did so well in both lists. The work you’ve put into on your blog is clearly evident. There are things you talk about in this post that I would like to do. Perhaps one day I’ll learn how. Stay well!

  3. Congratulations on your ranking, even though you were initially disappointed. I have been watching the changes you have made, and like what you are doing with your site. It looks really great!

    Rebel xox

    1. Thank you Marie, I really am ashamed of my reaction and it would have been easy not to write about it, it’s not nice showing yourself in a bad light but I want to be truly honest on my blog and that includes showing all sides of myself… even the bad.

      I’m happy the changes are receiving good feedback, and the header image is one of my favourite pictures of myself so I think it feels right to have it as the new image. The other one had been there for 2 years so it was time for a change 😊

  4. Congratulations, Sweet! … I’ve noticed your blog changes over the past little while … your site looks great! … and it’s always fun to be recognized by your tribe :>) … nj … xx

  5. I love this post – for its honesty – talking about your own negative thoughts and feelings – and for the appreciation shown to others including me.
    Thank you for sharing all of this and for getting past that initial disappointment and moving forward. With an attitude like that – and you great content – I am certain you will continue to grow as a blogger xx

    1. Thank you and you’re welcome… I am really liking how my blog looks at the moment and I am grateful for the ideas you gave me… just a few little changes really but it’s made a big difference… I’ve also now got a sub domain for MrHs blog to be on… 😊

  6. That’s fascinating! We started our modest little blog just for the two of us…and it still is! Rex and I have lots of fun going back through our posts. It still amazes me that anyone would bother to read them and comment! We both enjoy yours. Of course we are just amateurs in the blogosphere or whatever it is called!

  7. I really like the changes you have made but agree with Mr H that ultimately you are blogging for you. Having said that it is always great to be recognized and I am really pleased that you are getting the recognition that you deserve 😊

  8. I think this might be one of the best posts I’ve read regarding the kind of list we bloggers can find ourselves on. While we are a wonderfully supportive and loving community, we are still human and when it comes to a system where by you can achieve higher or lower than someone else I think it is only natural to want to do well. While I understand the negative feelings you have surrounding your disappointment, I think it’s okay to acknowledge you want to do better and put in the work (as you are doing) to make that happen. Hell, I did that because I didn’t just want to do better, I wanted to very specifically be No.1. I honestly at times hated myself for wanting it that badly, but I had a point to prove to myself and so it had to be done, lol. If it helps my Top List timeline between 2017 to 2019, is 49th, 2nd, 1st. So it’s all to play for and I cannot wait to see which one you nabs the top spot next year! Fabulous post and I too thing your changes on your blog have been incredibly positive and I can’t wait to see what else we see from you in the year to come x

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