Part of being human is the need to feel like you are part of a community, to belong if you like, and to feel valued within that sphere. This year I have been fortunate enough to be included in two different Top 100 Sex Blog lists and for that I am so very grateful, truly, but initially I didn’t react in a way I can be proud of.
Being Nominated to Molly’s Top 100 Sex Bloggers (sponsored by Chatterbate)
On the 1st October, the post went up asking for nominations for the 2019 list, I nominated 26 established blogs and 2 new voices, I could also see that my own blog had been nominated and I felt so happy to have been noticed. In 2018 when the nominations opened my blog was almost 1 year old, and I have no idea if I would have been considered a new voice or not as my first post went live on the 6th November 2017, but to my knowledge I was not nominated for consideration for the list at all, so to see that some of my peers considered now my blog worthy of a nomination felt fantastic. I felt that my work was being appreciated.
The Kinkly Sex Blogging Superheroes
Shortly after this while looking through my Twitter feed, I noticed a fellow blogger asking for votes so she could qualify for the Kinkly Sex Blogging Superheros Top 100 List and I went to see what it was about. Hastily I added my blog to their site, waited for it to be available to vote on and then begged (there’s no other way to describe it) for the 5 votes I needed in order to be considered for the top 100- I had only 2 days to get the votes. The voting window closed and I had no idea if I had received the 5 votes, I put it out of my mind and continued to blog away as normal, updating the images and SEO to my blog posts. When the list was released on the 4th November 2019 I was so thrilled to be on there.
Kinkly no-longer ranks the list when it is published it is simply posted in alphabetical order, but once posted on the list your blog is ranked by them, as well as tracked by a number of programs to see how searchable your blog is, traffic to your site and so on. On their list the higher you rank the better so 100 is their top blog. This morning when I looked I am ranked 58, and that’s a great feeling. After 2 years of blogging I had some recognition from the professional blogging community, more than that, I was in the top 50. I felt proud of my blog, of my work and grateful too.
Feedback from Molly
The nominations for the Chatterbate list closed and Molly went to do her thing. She contacted me to tell me that my Twitter link wasn’t working. It took me a while to work out why because the follow me button worked and the posts linked up to twitter, but the button on the header menu just didn’t want to work! I was really cross. A simple thing like a link not working could mean the difference between my blog being included or not – I mean I would have seen it as a functionality issue if I were judging. I had been battling for weeks trying to get the mobile pages to pick up the custom CSS changing the colours and fonts, wanting to make my site different to the basic theme. I wanted to put my own spin on it, make it mine. Eventually I got it working and I was so pleased with myself – I did the obligatory happy dance! Molly also told me that the menu wasn’t showing up well in her browser, and so I went to investigate why. Having fixed that, cleared the cache and so on, I thanked her for her feedback.
After she had assessed my blog she gave me some more advice. I welcomed this and took everything on board. Off I went and found plugins to generate and show a random post, added a better link to the blog from my home page. I made the categories and archives into drop down lists so they took up less space. Unfortunately I knew that now I had the random post generator, I would need to get my skates on and reset images to the posts pre March 19. When I went self hosted none of the images were migrated, so I had over 400 posts without a featured image. The changes didn’t go well, the menu just didn’t want to fix and no matter what I did the menu was unreadable in firefox or ie. I asked Michael for help and he found the problem. It was a background issue with siteground, once that was sorted everything worked and looked how it should. He also gave me some advice, suggesting I make sure that links to external pages always open in a new tab so I don’t take people away from my own site.
Having seen all these issues I resigned myself to probably not making the list at all, instead I went back to updating the featured images, adding keywords to activate the SEO and writing new posts.
Still I checked
On the 1st of December she released the new voices list, and I was delighted that both blogs that I had nominated had made the list. She advised that the top 100 would be posted the following day. The list came out and I was at work, so I didn’t see it until I got home. Was I on it? There had been 192 nominations…. almost 50% wouldn’t be on there. I scoured the list, recognising the names of blogs I knew,
You ungrateful bitch
And, there I was at number 45. I had made it. I had a mixed reaction – I am actually ashamed of how I felt reading the list. There was a moment of joy. Then my inner voice piqued up. There were blogs newer than mine that had ranked higher. What was wrong with my blog that I had been lower than them? Like I said – I am ashamed of this part of myself. MrH gave my head a thorough wobble.
I thought your blog was for you and not for the popularity?
And it is, but who doesn’t want to have a pat on the back too? I realised I was being very ungracious and unreasonable. I looked at my stats, something I very rarely do. On average I get 200 views a day on my blog, and if I were to compare that to other people it is probably not very high, but for a blog that started as nothing more than a way for me to process how I was feeling and share that experience with other submissives that is amazing. I did a post sharing the list and offering congratulations to everyone who had made the list. Still kicking myself in the arse for being so ungrateful.
Messages to and from Fellow Bloggers
I messaged a few of the bloggers who I interact with via twitter or The SafeworD/s Club congratulating them. They offered congratulations in return. I spoke honestly admitting that I had a few moments of disappointment where I wished I had been higher. I was not jealous of their successes – rather it felt that my placement was a validation that I was not good enough. Once again my peers were amazing, assuring me that this was not the case.
One lady, the lovely May More, reached out and offered her congratulations on being placed so highly. She went on to share with me that her first year she had been placed at number 51. My Jaw dropped. I couldn;t believe it. Her blog is amazing! How could she have ranked at 51, and I ranked 45… It was in that moment I realised how pathetic it was to feel disappointed. That I was being ungrateful and in that moment I did not like myself or how I had reacted. My blog was in the top 50 of the list and that is amazing!
May asked me if I wanted any advice, and of course I accepted – did I mention how much I like her blog? She suggested I get a gallery for images, increase the number of random posts from 1 to 3 and include a list of blogs I follow. All these things have now been done. I played about with the gallery’s available. The first one I picked showed thumbnails and as my images are all different sizes it meant that many of the images did not display well. I went back to the plugins and searched the options, eventually I found one I liked and began again.
This weekend with Michaels help (in truth he created it), I have added a subdomain for MrH’s blog to be on, built the site, and linked them together. All my posts have been optimised (not all of them are perfect by any means but they are at least done!). I have also added Tell Me About to my main menu, and a side widget with the badge, explaining that I co-host the meme with SubMissy, I felt my blog should reflect my involvement in the project. I also decided to update my header image.
All in all I am really happy with the way my site looks now. It has a fresh new look, has colours I love and I will continue to pour my heart and soul into it. It is my journal, my thoughts and experiences on life and love, it chronicles my struggle with chronic pain and depression, and explores my journey as a submissive wife.