It has been very difficult this week. I am horny. I have been for a few days. Weeks. Last weekend MrH had me suck his cock, (I so need a different way to describe that) and then he fucked me. I did not orgasm. He tried to touch my pussy but I pulled away partly because his nails were scratching and partly because my head was resisting. He didn’t ask me why I wouldn’t let him touch me. Part of me wanted him to tell me off, ask why I moved, not only because I could have told him of the discomfort but also because it would have helped my mind.
On Monday night he told me to get a toy out and masturbate, I was instructed to orgasm. I did as I was told, had 2 squirting orgasms and 2 clitoral orgasms, but it did not reduce my need for Him, my desire for Him.
I may not be making much sense I know that. My body climaxed. But I did not feel the same satisfaction as when MrH brings me to orgasm, or when he is in the room. And I know this is 20 shades of crazy but that evil bitch in my mind will chirp up when MrH tells me to get a toy out, and whisper that he wants me to sort myself out so he doesn’t have to. Yeah I know I said it was crazy didn’t I? But it’s difficult to shut that voice up sometimes, but that’s for another post. Back to this, I believe that for me (and I am sure many other people too), my brain is my biggest sexual organ. If my mind is not properly engaged my body does not follow well.
An example of this is when my mind fights the play. Last Sunday when MrH told me to suck his cock, my mind was not ready. I was still wearing my day collar. He gave me no warning, and no further verbal encouragement during it. He did turn the TV off but in the silence all I could hear was my jaw cracking. Everytime I opened my mouth wide to take his cock in it cracked. I asked him if he could hear it, hoping he couldn’t as I thought it would be off putting, and he said he could. It was shortly after this that he told me to move so he could fuck me.
At the moment our dynamic and D/s is relatively light, and, as I have written about before, it has become our new normal. Once something becomes normal it has less effect, and it takes doing something different or new to elicit the feelings. More strikes of the cane, harder strikes, a change of position, or more verbalisations. My reluctant mind needs to be brought to attention for me to get the most out of play.
There are ways MrH does this and when he does it then I have the most amazing time. But the most effective method starts with him setting the tone before play begins. A statement of intent if you like. “I am going to play with you later”, or “who’s going to get my cum?” is enough.
But surely you should be just ready and willing… right? Well maybe, but in reality it’s not that simple. I mean I am so horny most of the time I actively tell myself that MrH is NOT going to play with me. I do this because otherwise I will not sleep. I would feel disappointed like I did the other night (I wrote about it here) and get frustrated. So to protect myself I push that need away. Unfortunately that means when he wants to play I am not ready. I am not in a good submissive mind set because I have been actively trying not to be.
I wish I didn’t have to do this but at the end of the day, MrH and I are not as young as we were and he has a lot of responsibility. He works full time then comes home and looks after me, cooks tea, does all the household chores, so it is now wonder that he doesn’t particularly have the energy to fuck me as much as I would like. Which is why I have decided to manage my expectations by expecting nothing. The down side is that MrH then does need to put more effort in when he does want to play. He has to demand more from me to get me in the right mindset if he wants me to have the best experience.
As I mentioned above getting my mind engaged can be easy, if it’s done the right way.
A statement of intent, a few hours before play will allow me to relax. I can stop preparing to NOT play. I can allow my mind to wander, to fantasise and imagine what he has planned.
On Sunday last when he instructed me to begin, my mind was screaming “we haven’t done my collar, he’s forgot” and it pulled my mind. Had he said, I have decided today we will play before I do your collar, my mind would have had nothing to argue about. I would have been more settled because I knew he had not forgotten.
I probably shouldn’t even be thinking that way, but because I am trying to manage my expectations it is stopping me from dropping into the submissive mindset I find calming.
If he physically restrains me, using his hands, rope, cuffs or just a voice command it focuses my mind on him and us, bringing that submissive mindset to the forefront and allows me to let go of my self control.
Any anal play immediately pulls me to a submissive headspace but if he talks me through his plans it is even more effective. With the instruction to “roll over and get on your knees, I want to see your ass,” my submission would begin. Telling me “I am going to put [item] into your ass,” will bring a flush to my face and a throb to my pussy. Asking me to answer the question “you’d like that wouldn’t you?” will intensify it but telling me “I want to put [item] into your ass, I know how much you want me to but I won’t until you beg me to him to,” even better.
The how is quite simply about connection. I need to know he is in control. I need to know that I have no need to take back control. I have to feel secure and the best way for that is through communication. Telling me what is going to happen means I don’t have to plan myself.