50 shades of grey

The Fifty Shades trilogy did alot to bring kink into the mainstream media and probably into a significant amount of relationships too.  I have read the first book and yes the kink scenes were delightful and turned me on, but I actually found it a dreadful book to read. I started to read the second book and gave up.  Most people are aware that it started life as Fan Fiction; E L James is a huge fan of Twilight, but the similarities between the characters and the story just bugged the life out of me, and that was before I realised what a poor example of D/s it actually is.

Bad Examples

Christian allows an inexperienced person to engage in kink with no real concept of what she is agreeing to.  She is in such awe of him she fails to use her safeword.  As an allegedly experienced Dominent he should have been more aware of this, after all Safe, Sane and Concensual (SSC) or Risk Aware Concentual Kink (RACK) are the two main concepts promoted within the BDSM community and yet even having given her a contract to read and sign, he does not consider the inherent power imbalance at the start of their relationship, nor does he regularly check in with her.

This book did have one very positive impact on my life.  It gave me a way to ask MrH to try kink which in turn changed our relationship dramatically.  We became more intimate, more expressive, more passionate and I got to be more orgasmic. I’ve had more orgasms since I became MrH submissive than in the previous 25 years.

Judgment

But for all the hype around 50 Shades, I think Kink is still a nudge nudge snigger giggle subject.  Try talking about sex toys with your friends and the volume lowers, the embarrassed giggles start and their view of you changes.  You risk becoming “that” friend.  The one who’s into weird stuff.

The only place we feel able to talk openly about our interest in kink is at the local Munch or during online chats at The SafeworD/s Club.  There we have found friends and acceptance.  The kink community is amazing, so supportive and helpful and I am glad to be a part of it.

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22 Replies to “50 shades of grey”

  1. 50 Shades is something I’ve not read. The kink oriented women I know did read it and the scorn they piled on it put me off even trying. Criticism of it tends to be brushed aside as the kink community sneering at it. There certainly are problems with it, some which you highlight – but the fact it’s a bad plot with bad writing should never be underestimated. That it made more people think about kink in their lives, is one positive.

    Somewhat heretical to some readers, I lump it with Harry Potter which despite being terrible got a lot of kids to enjoy reading where they otherwise wouldn’t.

    If conversation is flagging when sated with food and drink, I always know I can liven things up with kink female friends by asking their views on 50 Shade 😏😜 xx

  2. I have to admit that I never read either of the 50 shades books, nor did I see the movie. I was afraid, and have heard the same from others, that it does little to promote understanding of D/s relationships, or kinks for that matter. It is a good conversation starter, just easier to make fun off, than to take seriously. That puts those of us who live in the world of kink in an even more awkward situation. I have so far failed to find a way to explain to friends who claim to know nothing about kinks and BDSM that it’s not just an ‘amusement park ride’, but a choice among mature and serious adults. We may not always be able to explain it, but we know it when it’s right. Thanks for your post!😘

  3. I agree with you, 50 Shades have definitely made it more acceptable to talk about kink, but only for a little while and then it went back to the nudge nudge corner. However, it’s wonderful that the books gave you a way to get into kink 🙂

    Rebel xox

  4. I think a lot of people who read 50 shades have gone on to read other books that are better written. But it doesn’t seem to have made it easier for people to discuss sex and kink more widely. I’m glad, that even though you didn’t enjoy the books it gave you the opportunity to explore kink. I only got half way through the first book and haven’t seen the film.

  5. You’re right that the series is definitely a gateway and brought the concept of kink and D/s more into the mainstream. It also flooded the market with similar stories and made the whole idea much more “acceptable”. It’s useful as long as it leads to further education and understanding about all it’s flaws (both literary and relationship wise!). Our own story echoes yours in the pleasure and fun and “rightness” of it all.

  6. I read the 1st book because Channel 4 asked me to for a programme I was going to be on. I hated it for all the reasons you said but overall I think the popularity of it was a positive thing. It made kink a more acceptable subject and also like you opened up many peoples relationship to exploring it

    Molly

    1. Ooh that sounds interesting … being on tv I mean… my knees have been on tv. I was in the audience on a children Saturday morning tv show once lol😂

  7. I managed to get through the second book before I couldn’t handle it. This was when I was on the cusp of discovering kink and I was appalled at a host of things happening in the story. The most terrible bit being how poorly written the book was.

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