I first heard this song Breathe – 2am by Anna Nalick on Greys Anatomy. The lyrics sounded so sad and beautiful at the same time.
There have been many times in my life when my mind has been taken over my words and thoughts, and the only way to quiet them has been to write them down.
Two AM and I’m still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
Inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I’m naked in front of the crowd
‘Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
This is how I use this blog sometimes. Not as often as I did in my younger days; as a teenager I would write poetry late into the night, and while I have thankfully never had suicidal thoughts, I know S1 has written things down to keep him from acting the thoughts out.
The last 2 nights my peace has been disturbed. I won’t go into too much detail about why but I found out a few weeks ago that as a business payroll was being done incorrectly. We were not calculating holiday pay correctly and as such we are breaking the law as set out in the Working Time Regulations 1998. As soon as I found out I began calculating this correctly.
Last week while I was off, one of the directors, who I had spoken to about this change, made my assistant reverse payroll and pay holiday pay using the incorrect method.
I’m fuming. He has made a big deal about it, speaking to one of the other directors, challenging the calculations, and I know I am going to walk into a shit storm on Monday.
The thing is I will not knowingly break the law. Full stop. Now I know the rule I will follow it, and I will refuse to do otherwise.
The last few nights I have dreamed various scenarios all ending the same way. They sack me for refusing to break the rules. For now all I can do is breathe and wait and see what actually happens.