R.E.D.

Red is the colour of my beautiful shoes.

Red, (and black of course), are the colours of my new anniversary lingerie set, and the set in the featured image.

Red is for passion and danger, so it fits that it is used as a safeword by many practitioners of BDSM.

Red. My final safeword. The stop word.

I think I’ve used it, two or three times. I tend to use yellow, which signals that I am nearing my limit more often than not. This is my way of telling him that I need a moment, and allows him to decide if he will push on or pause. If he pauses, allows me a moment then I probably haven’t had to then say red. If he chooses to push on then the chances are I will say red.

MrH is pretty good at reading me, knowing when I can’t take much more, however, recently my reaction to cane play has involved me subbing out and I stop reacting to the pain. I don’t flinch, I don’t cry out and I don’t speak.

MrH has had to use alternative methods to check in. He touches my hand and we use squeezes to indicate I am ok to continue.

I think it’s an important part of the dynamic, of any power exchange relationship, each partner needs a way to stop play if needed. A safeword isn’t just for the submissive. A Dominant can also safeword although they may not actually use the word. If they think a scene has become dangerous or isn’t working they can halt play.

From my experience and conversations with others the traffic light system tends to be used most often. Green – I’m ok keep going; Yellow – I’m nearing my limit, proceed with caution; and Red – Stop immediately.

I know there are some long term couples who rarely use their Safewords, so much so, that they might say they don’t need one, but, it could be argued that this is because they do not push into those RED areas anymore, they are content within the scope of play they have. I would like to think that an experienced couple like this tried a completely new kink, their knowledge of each other and their dynamic would mean they would have agreed limits first or enacted a safeword during their experimentation phase.

I also know that some people think Safewords are there solely for BDSM play however, I think they can be used

I guess along with all this waffle, I am trying to say, that Safewords have a place in every dynamic, at the appropriate moment.

To see more posts submitted for Wicked Wednesday #380 click the image above.

The Food For Thought #118 prompt is Safewords, click the image above to see more posts.

Another post I have written about Safewords:

Tell Me About: Safewords

 

16 Replies to “R.E.D.”

  1. Apart from the gorgeous pictures, I think you make two really important points. A safeword isn’t just for the sub, but a Dom can also safeword. Even if it’s rare, that option should always be there. The other one is where I feel I personally am. I do weird things that may not be pleasant, embarassing, or humiliating, but not in a way that I would want to stop a scene. I have problems with trusting others (long history) and even when I do have a partner I trust, I don’t use a safeword because it could open the door of actually pushing me to use it. By not having one, I tend to stay within my limits and communicate that through other ways. I grow my limits on my own terms. I can, unfortunately, safely say that I don’t push into the RED areas.

  2. May’s link reminded me I hadn’t commented on this. I know the problems you have with heels, so brava for making these gorgeous pictures.

    I’m with you on the silent thing, it’s my normal reaction and why I really really need to trust the other person. 🌹

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