R.E.D.

Red is the colour of my beautiful shoes.

Red, (and black of course), are the colours of my new anniversary lingerie set, and the set in the featured image.

Red is for passion and danger, so it fits that it is used as a safeword by many practitioners of BDSM.

Red. My final safeword. The stop word.

I think I’ve used it, two or three times. I tend to use yellow, which signals that I am nearing my limit more often than not. This is my way of telling him that I need a moment, and allows him to decide if he will push on or pause. If he pauses, allows me a moment then I probably haven’t had to then say red. If he chooses to push on then the chances are I will say red.

MrH is pretty good at reading me, knowing when I can’t take much more, however, recently my reaction to cane play has involved me subbing out and I stop reacting to the pain. I don’t flinch, I don’t cry out and I don’t speak.

MrH has had to use alternative methods to check in. He touches my hand and we use squeezes to indicate I am ok to continue.

I think it’s an important part of the dynamic, of any power exchange relationship, each partner needs a way to stop play if needed. A safeword isn’t just for the submissive. A Dominant can also safeword although they may not actually use the word. If they think a scene has become dangerous or isn’t working they can halt play.

From my experience and conversations with others the traffic light system tends to be used most often. Green – I’m ok keep going; Yellow – I’m nearing my limit, proceed with caution; and Red – Stop immediately.

I know there are some long term couples who rarely use their Safewords, so much so, that they might say they don’t need one, but, it could be argued that this is because they do not push into those RED areas anymore, they are content within the scope of play they have. I would like to think that an experienced couple like this tried a completely new kink, their knowledge of each other and their dynamic would mean they would have agreed limits first or enacted a safeword during their experimentation phase.

I also know that some people think Safewords are there solely for BDSM play however, I think they can be used

I guess along with all this waffle, I am trying to say, that Safewords have a place in every dynamic, at the appropriate moment.

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