The F4TF prompt this week is music, and I’ve written a few posts this month focusing on music for the September Songs prompt, so for this one I decided to focus on why I need music in my life, what it gives me, and how I use it in different situations. Mostly I need familiar sounds in the background to enable me to focus, and music is the best way for me to achieve that focus.
I have playlists for work with over 14 hours of music so when it is on random mode I get a variety of music during the week. Sometimes I just listen to 80’s or 90’s hits.
I have a playlist for driving/riding to and from work that wake me up and I also have a playlist of love songs which always get me in the mood.
I recently created a playlist with songs that MrH likes, as well as a few of my favourites, for use during play time.
For me, music is a way to shut off the noise and distractions of the outside world.
In my youth music was a way to feel connected to something bigger. After we moved I could listen to meatloaf and feel closer to my dad, ABBA and I was back with my aunt at the farm. When I felt sad there was Fleetwood Mac and when I wanted to dance Madonna was happy to provide the beat. If had music and a book I was content. I could escape from my reality, from the unhappiness.
When I left home I spent hours listening to and watching the music channels on TV. I would sing and dance in my living room (when S1 was awake) and just dance when he was asleep.
After MrH and I moved in I stopped singing so much. I mean it wouldn’t be fair to subject someone else to my off key yodeling but I do still listen to music when I can.
I like to listen to music when I’m in the shower, and sometimes when MrH is in the bath I will put music on rather than the TV. If I ask to get a toy out, I pause the TV and put music on then too.
In my mind the TV is a passion killer. Hearing the sound of voices on the TV just kills the mood. If I feel like MrH is watching TV it immediately turns me off, my body shuts down and my brain rejects what’s happening. It would take a hell of a lot of work for MrH to fully engage me with the TV on. He would have to talk to me, really talk to me to convince me that he wasn’t watching the TV. He would need to really command my attention and demand compliance.
I do wonder why music is different. If it’s just background noise why should the noise from the TV be a distraction? Music calms me, soothes me whereas the TV aggravates me. During a cane session if I can hear the TV or I know its playing, my mind rebels. He’s not focused on you, my mind whispers, he’s not paying attention to you. My mind becomes alert and distracted, I don’t reach the same level of subspace because I don’t fully relax.
Music however, music takes my mind to a safe and serene place. Somewhere I can let go of my inhibitions, where I am his toy to play with, where my body and mind are his to command.