I think sometimes we need to be pushed. Our tolerances adapt and what was once extreme is soon normal but having the intuition to recognize that point and the courage to push past comfortable into new territory isn’t easy.
I imagine that being the one in control places a special burden on the Dominant when this happens. Yes I know, both Dom and Sub have a say but ultimately the Dom has to be ready and willing to take it up a notch, they are the ones who have to deliver.
For example, impact play. We use the cane regularly (twice a week) and initially MrH would do 50 strokes. This increased to 100, and now I think it’s more like 200. Did I hear a wow? Yes it sounds like a lot, and it is, but he does not hit with much force. I’ve never been marked or bruised in any way, which I imagine, for those who said “wow” suggests that it doesn’t qualify as a caning at all; I’ve seen pictures with red stripes on bottoms and acknowledge that has never been me. It is however, what MrH is comfortable with, and he is in control.
We also have to deal with my subspace when I am so relaxed I can’t speak up. There have been a few instances where I wanted to say yellow to advise MrH I was nearing my limit but I couldn’t speak. We have added a different way to check in now, and MrH will take my hand to pull me back to him. If I can’t speak I can squeeze his hand or nod my head.
A hand spanking isn’t something we get to do much, so it quickly pushes me into subspace. The same applies to the squealer.
Sexual play can also easily become routine. You do what you like and what works, right? I guess most of us are the same, we head to bed at the end of the day and we fuck before we go to sleep. Given that it’s the end of the day most of the time we’re tired. I imagine that is true for many of you reading this too. So how, when you are tired, when perhaps you have young children that exhaust you, or older children who might still be awake, can we keep our sexual play interesting, impulsive and different? Well, if you know the answer please comment!!!!!
I am for the most part not worried if S2 hears sex noises. The sound of me being spanked? Yeah that I worry about.
Sometimes, I think I am ready to move deeper before MrH and I want him to push me further and play harder, but he has to be ready too. More importantly he has to want to. This is my plan for this weeks chat, the questions I want to ask MrH…
If you had nothing holding you back (S2 wasn’t at home) how far, how hard, would you like to go?