I don’t know why I have these downs. I don’t know how to fight it.
MrH has said he doesn’t understand what I mean, and I was not sure how to describe it. I mean to me it’s just not feeling right, so I googled feeling disconnected. The first site that popped up was possibility of change and an article by Malia Bradshaw. She describes it as “floaty”.
She also points things like getting so wrapped up in something (work/blogging) you forget to eat is often a sign of this as well as when you shower and you are thinking about so many other things you can’t remember if you already washed your hair.
I can’t tell you how many times this happens to me. I even forget to drink.
In this instance, this weekend, what I mean when I say disconnected, is that I feel, foggy. Like my head is filled with cotton wool and my body feels weak. I feel shaky.
I don’t know how to pull back out of my own head and back to MrH. I know he can drag me back, there are things he can do that stop me from thinking and that’s what I need to do.
Tonight there’s a chat on the Safewords club and then it’s our regular cane session. If we don’t do the cane session I will feel worse, but, I have a feeling I am going to need MrH to step it up a notch. I need to be taken out of myself and the normal stuff isn’t going to cut it. I could do with being tied up, and played with. I could do with the release of an orgasm or two but I also know I need the cane session.
I guess later today I will find out what MrH plans to do to sort me out.