I don’t know what to say- Taboos

I am so grateful to everyone who follows me. There are 333 wordpress followers, 18 email only followers, and 549 on Twitter. Assuming that the same people follow me on both Twitter and WordPress I’m still blown away that over 500 people think what I write is worth reading!

TJ raised a point recently about validation, and how she gets really fed up when very few people comment on her posts. Now she also acknowledges that validation isn’t actually something she aimed for when starting her blog but in my reply I commented that really I think we all want that acceptance and recognition. It’s part of being human in many ways.

Having said that, I am quite lazy. If I can comment via the app I will do. If I have to log in every time I visit your site, chances are I won’t. I just get fed up having to log in to wordpress over and over again. I also get fed up when I have to put my name and email address in every time. Some sites have the option to ‘remember me’ and I always say ‘yes.’

But, you know the one thing I really find hard? Commenting on posts that I am not sure I understand or agree with. Things I consider to be Taboo.

Let me give you an example. When I see images of a person (regardless of gender) covered in deep bruises over their kidneys, liver, or breasts. When the post talks about them being punched. I can’t get my head around that level of hurt. Black bruises over the kidneys or liver suggest a real possibility of internal bleeding, and for the life of me I find that to be irresponsible behaviour. I am not saying that the person who delivered the blows is entirely at fault. I presume that there has been consent to the act. But surely there should be general anatomical knowledge and understanding of what damage can be done.

The majority of S&M practitioners do not hit their partners over the soft tissue of the mid body because it can potentially cause such horrific damage. The majority of them have the wellbeing of their partner as their primary concern and it always makes me think that the people who have these bruises have not made good decisions. Perhaps they think they don’t need to research safety. Perhaps they watched 50 shades and decided to reenact Rocky?

Now I mentioned the breast tissue too. Did you know that if you bruise your body repeatedly, in the same area, the blood can (and usually will) form what feels like a small lump? It’s basically blood that has clotted and instead of being reabsorbed into the body it forms scar tissue. That happens anywhere on your body. I have them on my arms where I bump into door handles and legs where I bump into the corner of tables Here’s my concern. If you feel a lump in your breast you should get it checked, right? What if, due to repeated bruising, and the formation of small lumps, you miss a cancerous lump, dismissing it as “one of my bruises”?

MrH and I do some impact play, and I’ve been red. I have never bruised. Yet.

I’ve never been punched by a man. But if MrH was to punch me…. that would hurt. I’m pretty sure I’d be out cold, bleeding and bruised. I’m also pretty sure if I asked him to he would say no. Think about punching a pillow, don’t you kinda get mad??

So, when I see these images, I can’t say anything positive because I want to scream OMG why are your kidneys bleeding???? I will hit like to acknowledge having read it, but I can’t think of anything to comment.

I will openly admit that I do not know the intimate details of peoples relationships, and each to their own.

I would never presume to tell someone they are wrong. These thoughts and feelings are my own, and probably stem from growing up in an abusive environment. I completely accept that this may well be your kink, but it’s definitely Taboo for me.

TJ’s post just got me thinking about how I don’t always comment, and why. Quite nicely it also fit with the F4fF prompt. To see more posts about taboo topics click the image below.

29 Replies to “I don’t know what to say- Taboos”

  1. Great post. I am a big fan of ethics in bdsm and I agree with you about bruising like that. In my mind that falls into the harm category and goes beyond hurt. To each their own.. but each of us is responsible only for our own behavior, and an ethical dom would never do harm like that. I also understand not wanting to comment on something like that. The old “if you cant say anything nice…” yah I get it. But I would still say something. They dont have to like it or take my advice but at least my own conscience would be clear in that I tried to warn of the danger.

  2. This is a fab post Sweet! really the kinda thing I was hoping for when I posed the Taboo question. And of course what is taboo for one is not necessarily seen as taboo for another but you raise some valid points hear about safety. Thanks for linking up again x

  3. Very relatable. On both counts, i Also don’t always know what to say when I don’t understand but do like to show I’ve “heard”.
    I always tend to shy away as I dont know whether my thoughts are welcome.
    WP boots me out of comments box/rarely lets me comments.

  4. I wonder if you have to log in every time you visit me! I hope not but I don’t know how to do the “remember me” thing!
    That being said, I don’t think there’s very much wrong with bruising on one’s ass. I would worry about it on the breasts and, as you mention, over other soft tissue areas. I try to comment regularly on those accounts I follow. Sometimes I don’t because I honestly just don’t know what to say. Or on occasion someone else has said exactly what I wanted to say and I don’t want to seem like a parrot. Have a great weekend Sweet!

  5. This is an interesting post sweet, I agree with you in sometimes looking or reading something and feeling I can’t comment. I don’t think it’s always about taboos with me but certainly pictures of things that I don’t want to see or hear about. Sometimes I feel a bit old and prudish and I know that my opinions don’t fit in with the theme so I keep them to myself 😊

  6. Great post! For the record, I am PMSing, so I tend to piss and moan a tonne during this time. It is not so much about getting comments (I get a fair amount for sure), but a sense of reciprocity and mutual support. I get a lot of support though, and am tremendously grateful for it. Anyway, that was one of my “I am feeling sore and am gonna let everyone know it” posts. I do those every so often.

  7. Very interesting post Sweet! I would worry for that person’s safety as well. I get that punching could be someone else’s kink but from being hit in that fashion it just doesn’t resonate with me either.
    I feel you on the comment front. I want to comment on everyone’s post but also lack the time. I feel as though I’m neglecting those in front of me if I spend too much time on WP.

  8. I completely agree. There are a number of posts here and on Fet that I just cannot wrap my head around, and I can’t click “like” and offer my support. It’s one thing for a kink I don’t get, like watersports, but something else entirely when it comes to severe damage like you described. It isn’t safe, but then again not everyone ascribes to SSC. There are people who prefer RACK, and perhaps they think they’ve assessed the risk and accept the possibility of damage. *shrug*

    Something else, I have noticed that only a portion of posts show on my computer (where I do most of my browsing) but they show on my phone via the app. I have to go back every few days to review what I’ve missed. It’s annoying, which makes me less likely to comment on posts I normally would, and I have more difficulty typing on my phone anyway.

    1. It’s one of the reasons that I also follow people on Twitter. I get to see posts by people I follow that sometimes don’t see in my wordpress reader app. So I try to comment one way or another.

  9. I’m similar with the commenting thing. If I’ve got to fill in name and email every time, I may just decide a comment isn’t worth it. And I do wish more sites enabled the ‘Like’ button, just so I can show that I’ve read it.

    I appreciate you highlighting unsafe practices. Every now and again pictures or videos do the rounds of extremely unsafe practices and their results. Given the circles I move in they are of dommes abusing male subs, and I’m sure there are plenty with female subs. The older I get the more angry I get when they go by. The one brighter element is that they generate great rage in the domme community who call it out.

    Yes, as kink participants we are generally expected to be broad minded and inclusive, but I don’t think we should be frightened of just saying “NNNoooooooooo !!”

  10. I so agree with you ☺️
    I’ve seen posts by people who were completely beaten up after a weekend of ‘play,’ and it made me cringe. I understand everyone’s limits are different, but how sane is it for you to have two black eyes and bust-up lips after your BDSM-time?
    And there was this video I watched the other day where the sub was hit with a cane on her stomach, which made me cringe. But then I showed it to my husband, who’s all about safety, and he said: he’s only tapping her softly. That’s not harmful. And I was like: ‘oh.’ So yeah, my taboos and limits may not be everyone’s. But I would never risk kidney damage.

    1. The force used would make a difference, I suspect MrH doesn’t use a lot of force when he uses our cane but then he doesn’t hit anywhere but my bottom, thighs and shoulders..

  11. I nodded along with this post too. If people post something that is their kink but not my kink, I often feel out of my depth and don’t comment. Equally wordpress accounts are fine to comment on when I’m on my laptop, but using phone or iPad, I am asked to log in, and cant be faffed. I too use ‘like’ just to show I read something.
    This was a very valid and thought provoking post, I am so glad you wrote and shared it.

  12. Fantastic piece of writing, highlighting the fact that even something as simple as commenting on a picture or a post can be deemed taboo. It sums up the whole essence of what, deep down taboo is. It’s the fear of the unknown and how people will react to what you say or do.

  13. Interesting post.
    We all have our comfort zones, within which we feel confident to respond to what we see, or read etc

    There’s not much that shocks me, or squicks me out(lots of blood is a huge no, though).

    You’d have to hit someone with huge amounts of force to damage internal organs, not that I’m suggesting people try it to find out, but we all have our own risk profile, we all decide for ourselves where our respective comfort zones lie.

    I sometimes wonder if I’ve become numb to a lot of what I see, especially on Fet, so much so that there’s not much(outside of the illegal) that I consider taboo.

    Thanks for giving me something to think on

    Cuntella

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