I’ve made many, many, many mistakes in my life and I’m sure I will make more… some big and some small. Getting married at 18 to the “wrong” man – as you do at 18 – was a doozy. Now I don’t mean that I regret having my eldest, because I don’t, I was already pregnant when we were encouraged to get married so I would still have had my little boy, I just wouldn’t have had to go through a divorce.
Opportunities to Learn
I think the best way to look at mistakes is that they are opportunities to learn. When you make a mistake at work, chances are you won’t do it again!
When the world changed and appraisals became “positive only” I believe they also lost some of their effectiveness. You learn way more from negative feedback and criticism than positive praise.
In one early appraisal I was told that I was like a dog with a bone, and I wouldn’t compromise which was why I wasn’t getting the support from the sales team that I needed. She advised me on how to work better with them and it was some of the best advice I received. It certainly improved my effectiveness and influenced the way I worked going forward.
In our personal lives, however, I think people are more likely to make the same mistake time and time again. For example, I had a friend who, every time she entered a relationship, would turn her world upside down and inside out to make sure she was available for her new partner. Even arranging childcare for her children on a weekend so she could spend time with them. Her reasoning was that if she wasn’t available when they wanted her they would move on. Over time she would feel guilty and the children would play up. She would become paranoid that they were going to end the relationship if they didn’t reply to texts or calls quickly, becoming even more clingy. Eventually when the partner felt too smothered they would end the relationship.
If you’ve ever seen the Julia Roberts film “Runaway Bride” she reminds me of Julia’s character who doesn’t know how she likes her eggs cooked. In every relationship she claims to like them exactly how her partner likes his, and Richard Gere’s character tells her she should know how “she” likes her eggs. My friend needs to learn this too.
But I digress…
Within our D/s relationship there are rules. Agreed rules. So when I break them there are consequences. Mostly they involve lines but MrH has added recently that repeatedly breaking rules may result in an escalation of punishment, (spankings or a caning) that would in no way be “fun”. There is of course a tiny war in me. Part of me wants to know what he will do. How much he will hurt me. Perhaps there’s a masochist in me somewhere.
I was cheeky the other day and I got a sharp smack on each bum cheek. It stung, taking my breath away and that was just one each side! But damn it also felt soooo good. I may definitely have to make more “mistakes” like that one!
For research purposes…. you know??
Knowing me/knowing you
It has taken me many years to understand that I wanted kink in our relationship, and then even longer to discuss it with MrH. I didn’t know how he would feel, I worried he would judge me. This fear was a mistake. He considered it carefully and he took my hand and led us down this new path.
I think the biggest mistake I have ever made is mistrusting MrH. Not believing he could make decisions and that they would be “good” decisions. I second guessed his decisions and in many ways emasculated him, although he says he never felt that way. At the same time he always got the last word.
Once I learned to give him control and trust him properly, I felt a huge relief.
I’m hoping that in the future I won’t make any huge mistakes, but the odd small infraction might be fun 😀