This blog started as an online extension/version of a written journal (hence the title) that I began shortly after MrH and I started down the route of Dom and sub. One of the online community/sites we had joined SubMrs had an number of article/resources about journaling and communication and I decided I would use this medium to record my thoughts. MrH would read it and this would then open a discussion.
We didn’t stay with that particular site long. I found that I felt judged sometimes in conversations, as if I wasn’t doing “it” right. MrH felt it wasn’t helpful for us and he found The Safewords Club which was much more accepting and inclusive. We are still fans of TSWC to this day, although my current inability to stay awake past 8:30 pm is stopping me joining in the regular chats, I miss them a great deal.
In a recent post Oh fudge! I talked about how I had purchased a pair of shoes without permission. MrH reads all my posts and so he read it and the generous comments it/I received… as it was posted on a Wednesday, which is our regular talk and cane night (see this and this for more about them) so MrH talked about how he understood things had become a bit lax of late.
He told me that he was worried he had caused my current back problem, or perhaps made it worse. I believe it is simply poor timing. I believe I will always have this problem only the degree to which it affects my life will vary, and that this present situation was caused by going to the bike show and walking around for too long. MrH worries that the play that same night made things worse. You see, I was so achy and so uncomfortable I asked him to play, I wanted the bliss and relief that the pain of the cane gives me. MrH actually used the flogger that night as well as the cane and he says he remembers missing my backside and hitting my lower back. He remembers because I cried out. I still think it was the walking, but I do understand how he can feel cautious. I do understand because I know he wouldn’t want to cause me any serious pain.
It’s a very difficult position I think for a Dominant. It must be. On the one hand they want to look after you, to take care of you, to protect you. On the other hand you are asking them to do the opposite, by asking them to strike you. I know there are some Dominants who are sadistic and love to cause the pain, to see bruises, or bleeding. I know there are submissive’s who enjoy being made to bleed and want bruises. I am not one of them and I don’t believe MrH is either. I enjoy our play because it allows me to let go of my usual pain and experience an endorphin release that helps me relax and sleep. If I was bruised I would have more pain the next few days and that would not be good for anyone.
I know MrH will work through his concerns in his own time, but it was good to know that there was something he was dealing with, that was causing him to hold back from play. I was beginning to think it was me. He said he thought that the way my body moves during sex (thrashing and rocking) would make things worse and so he was reluctant to play. I told him this isn’t so. That sex is good for me 😊 that it will relax me and all the happy chemicals help the body heal….. I’m not sure he bought it but there is research out there to support my theory! Honestly!!! See This Article
MrH decided I could keep the shoes. Of course the universe had other ideas….. i wore them for work the next day…. and…. they nearly crippled me. They sit on the part of my foot that was operated on, they cut into my foot so badly that there was a mark on my foot for 24 hours. I am sending them back.
Today MrH drove me to the shoe shop and I tried on shoes until I found some that fit without rubbing any tender points.
Now, maybe these don’t look like the sexiest shoes you’ve ever seen, but they are comfortable!!!
Well this is a bit misleading lol I actually mean I have submitted a short story for consideration into an anthology! I won’t know if I’m included until next year, but you know, nothing ventured nothing gained as they say!
& Man Points
Our dishwasher broke. The catch that holds the door closed broke. I immediately thought damn!!!! we will need to get a new one. MrH broke out the screwdriver and took the door apart. He found the replacement part we needed on amazon and it was prime eligible too!!! One swipe later and the new catch was on the way. Today it arrived and MrH repaired the dishwasher.
We have a little standing joke about DIY. For example when MrH builds something he will say he has earned man points. Or when we do some serious tidying up we are being grown ups.
So today MrH has earned some man points. I’m hoping that later he will spend them on me!!!