Blogging from A2Z 2019: Tears

If you’re familiar with my blog you’ll be aware that I have regular emotional meltdowns.  Subdrop after particularly intense play can feel quite brutal. I feel so needy and desperate for MrH to touch and reassure me but I’m also unable to articulate it well. Usually this results in tears and then cuddles.

I also get separation anxiety. When MrH is at work on a Saturday or away from home (no matter where he is) I get anxious. That anxiety usually manifests in sadness, and tears. Thankfully he’s never gone for long.  I am hoping that this emotional dependency eases up as it isn’t healthy.

It’s one area that D/s has changed me. I used to be quite independent. I used to be ok with going out with other people, riding the bikes with some girlfriends, visiting friends. Now I can’t face it. Now I don’t want to be away from him. I’m terrified to be away from him. I need him to feel safe.

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4 Replies to “Blogging from A2Z 2019: Tears”

  1. I will be honest here and say I am not sure that is is such a good idea to feel so dependent. Don’t get me wrong I am happier not to socialise and would rather be with my man – but tears when he is not here are not a thing I have to worry about. I appreciate your honesty and have understood in other areas how good the D’s dynamic is for you – but this post is not giving me that feeling x

    1. It doesn’t always give me a good feeling either!

      I have had a few years of not being able to go out, through health issues and I think that has added to the anxiety I experience when he’s not about.

      We’re working on it ❤️

  2. This sounds hard sweet. I am lucky not to really experience this sort of sub drop and I think if I did it would make me think twice about an intense scene. I also think it would put HL off as he would feel it wasn’t a positive. Maybe there is something you can do in terms of rules and rituals to make you feel safer and to slowly challenge the anxiety in a manageable way? 😊

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