On Wednesdays we don’t turn the TV on upstairs. Instead we talk and afterwards MrH will usually get the cane out. We started it. Few months ago and we’ve stuck to it pretty well until recently when I have been struggling with my back.
As I’m sure you can appreciate when I’m numb and can’t respond to pain, impact play is a bad idea. As I’ve improved we are getting back to normal and on Tuesday MrH got the cane out.
Anyway last night I asked if we could talk about the cane. I was nervous. I fear coming across as critical or ungrateful. He agreed and I started.
“Last night I called yellow and You didn’t say anything or change anything and I called out yellow again because I didn’t think you’d heard me.”
He explained that he had heard me but as we were near the end he decided to deliver the last few strikes.
I explained that I had started to panic because he hadn’t checked in. “If you had said only five more, can you take them for me?” I explained I would have been able to relax knowing you knew I was near to my limit.
I also explained that one of my favourite bits of the cane is when he strokes my body between sets. It sends me deeper into a relaxed place. Since I told him that I wasn’t getting the same high from the cane play he has stopped doing that bit. He used to do it four or five times during a session and now it might be once or twice.
MrH said that this was because as part of taking it up a notch he had increased the number of strikes in total, the intensity and the grouping. He used to do groups of ten where now he does fifteen or twenty.
I have asked him if he would consider putting the stroking back in with more regularity and he agreed.
Normally at the end of play I’m relaxed and sleepy. MrH will leave me where I am and put the cane away. He then encourages me to move up the bed and covers me up and lays next to me arm over me while I come back down.
Yesterday, having called yellow, I needed him to lay with me straight away and keep contact while I processed. I wasn’t present enough to form sentences and tell him what I needed then, so I took the opportunity during this chat to tell him what I had needed at that time.
I have asked that because he may not know what I need, and I might not be able to communicate it in the moment, if after impact play he would delay putting the equipment away in favour of laying with me for a while first. Again he agreed.
I now wanted to broach a topic which has been floating around but I felt needed more discussion.
I asked if we could talk about the A word – Anal.
We’ve talked about doing more of it but MrH doesn’t seem overly enthusiastic so I decided to ask the question. “It is something that excites you?”
“Not particularly,” he said. “It’s your poop hole and it’s not really where I want to put my cock. There other more fun places that aren’t dirty, and even if you clean yourself, as I know you do, it’s still your shitter.”
“Ok,” I replied. At least we’re talking here. “Why have you never said this before?”
“I know you like it.”
“Well yes I do, but part of that is me thinking you’re enjoying it too. If you’re not then why bother? Why don’t we just take that off the table. Do you have the same thoughts on the toys?” I asked.
“I don’t want to take it off the table. There are times when it flows. When I used the clone, it wasn’t planned it just felt right, so when it feels right I like the option there, it just isn’t necessarily my first, or second choice.”
That made sense to me and for now we’re leaving it there. At least I know how he feels about it and I had been getting the sense that we were not on the same page. Now I understand his thoughts better we can move forward.
Next we talked about our plans for the hotel stay. MrH had asked me if there was any photos that I wanted to take, for Sinful Sunday and so on. I said not really as I hadn’t been taking part. This decision was made for two reasons. The first being that it no longer felt ok to share images of my body. I am his and if he wants to post images or tell me to that’s ok, but without this input it had stopped feeling right. The second reason was that I had started it as away to challenge my self perception and ended up with me feeling exposed and cheap. I felt I was showing myself to strangers when the only person who’s good opinion I truly sought was MrH. So I stopped.
As for photos. They always seem like a good idea but they rarely turn out the way you imagine. It takes ages to get the shot you want too. By the time you have found the right camera angle, and position, picked the clothes, got into place, there’s no fun left in it.
MrH said he agreed and that was why on many occasions he had intended to take photos but then didn’t.
So we probably won’t take photos this weekend and we’re all good with that.
We chatted about a couple of other bits and pieces, and cuddled after for a bit. We didn’t do the cane session afterwards, and I think that may have been because we had done it the night before.
I know this post is a bit rambling but, I wanted to share something of the everyday normal D/s relationship, and why communication is so important 😊