It was the wand.
Last night after play, I thanked MrH for allowing me to cum and he responded, “that wasn’t anything to do with me it was the wand.” He sounded upset too which played on my mind a little.
At one time manual masturbation was my usual method. I had a vibrator “promises” which I would sometimes get out but 8 of 10 times my fingers did the job admirably.
Over the last few months our toy box has expanded and then we got a wand. First a LoveHoney one, then MrH got us a Doxy for Christmas.
I can’t properly describe how amazing that thing feels.
Manual masturbation takes time, patience and persistence. I’d say it takes skill but for a partner it takes the ability to read minds!
When I was in the mood (and I’m going back some time now because masturbating isn’t something I’ve been able to do for months!) there wasn’t exactly a “method” I could teach someone. I wouldn’t have a plan for how to touch myself, I would just start and do what felt right.
Given that, how on earth would I begin to tell someone else?
How can I tell someone else when to change the intensity of their touch?
How could I tell them which direction to circle or when to move straight down and gently slip a finger into me?
The additional dryness that’s come from the peri menopause means I get sore quickly too which means I also ought to say please add a spot of lube, but I haven’t.
But I never want MrH to feel like he doesn’t make me feel good because he does. He really does.
The fault lies with me.
I don’t communicate what I want because I feel awkward and demanding.
There are moments of course when language fails me- and I simply can’t speak (usually the same time when my breathing fails me).
So when MrH has the option of using the Doxy I assume that it makes his job easier. He just has to add a bit of lube and move it back and forward and voila – easy O’s.
I didn’t for a second think that it could detract from his enjoyment. Now I’m conflicted. It feels great, it’s easy and guaranteed but if MrH isn’t happy too where does that leave me.
A few months ago MrH said he was going to make me use his hand to masturbate so he could see what I liked. We did it but, I wouldn’t say it was particularly successful. MrH kept moving his fingers contrary to my hand movements and eventually he did his own thing. It was a pretty awesome night regardless but it didn’t really do what he intended and I think that comes down to me and my shyness.
The other day MrH left me horny and frustrated. When I asked him if that had been his intention he said no.
This too is my fault. I was enjoying what he was doing, a lot, but because the journey between enjoying a lot and orgasm is quite a distance without a little “help” I think MrH thought I had climaxed when I hadn’t because I was noisy in my enjoyment.
I don’t know what the solution is to this. How can you teach what is an organic, varied, fluid thing? But, I do know I need to spend some time talking to MrH and coming up with a solution because when I cum I always want him to be the reason, I don’t every want him to feel like he didn’t control it or do it.
Why? Because I am his.