That wasn’t me…

It was the wand.

Last night after play, I thanked MrH for allowing me to cum and he responded, “that wasn’t anything to do with me it was the wand.” He sounded upset too which played on my mind a little.

At one time manual masturbation was my usual method. I had a vibrator “promises” which I would sometimes get out but 8 of 10 times my fingers did the job admirably.

Over the last few months our toy box has expanded and then we got a wand. First a LoveHoney one, then MrH got us a Doxy for Christmas.

I can’t properly describe how amazing that thing feels.

Manual masturbation takes time, patience and persistence. I’d say it takes skill but for a partner it takes the ability to read minds!

When I was in the mood (and I’m going back some time now because masturbating isn’t something I’ve been able to do for months!) there wasn’t exactly a “method” I could teach someone. I wouldn’t have a plan for how to touch myself, I would just start and do what felt right.

Given that, how on earth would I begin to tell someone else?

How can I tell someone else when to change the intensity of their touch?

How could I tell them which direction to circle or when to move straight down and gently slip a finger into me?

The additional dryness that’s come from the peri menopause means I get sore quickly too which means I also ought to say please add a spot of lube, but I haven’t.

But I never want MrH to feel like he doesn’t make me feel good because he does. He really does.

The fault lies with me.

I don’t communicate what I want because I feel awkward and demanding.

There are moments of course when language fails me- and I simply can’t speak (usually the same time when my breathing fails me).

So when MrH has the option of using the Doxy I assume that it makes his job easier. He just has to add a bit of lube and move it back and forward and voila – easy O’s.

I didn’t for a second think that it could detract from his enjoyment. Now I’m conflicted. It feels great, it’s easy and guaranteed but if MrH isn’t happy too where does that leave me.

A few months ago MrH said he was going to make me use his hand to masturbate so he could see what I liked. We did it but, I wouldn’t say it was particularly successful. MrH kept moving his fingers contrary to my hand movements and eventually he did his own thing. It was a pretty awesome night regardless but it didn’t really do what he intended and I think that comes down to me and my shyness.

The other day MrH left me horny and frustrated. When I asked him if that had been his intention he said no.

This too is my fault. I was enjoying what he was doing, a lot, but because the journey between enjoying a lot and orgasm is quite a distance without a little “help” I think MrH thought I had climaxed when I hadn’t because I was noisy in my enjoyment.

I don’t know what the solution is to this. How can you teach what is an organic, varied, fluid thing? But, I do know I need to spend some time talking to MrH and coming up with a solution because when I cum I always want him to be the reason, I don’t every want him to feel like he didn’t control it or do it.

Why? Because I am his.

11 Replies to “That wasn’t me…”

  1. I understand how you feel. Stress to him how important it is that he is with you and participating in your pleasure. Stress how much better it is with him. No one wants to feel replaced by a toy. You just need to reassure him that he is the reason for your pleasure—regardless of any toy.

  2. Using the wand to me feels more distant than using my hand. I understand that I’m never going to vibrate so I have to accept my own limitations. I get what you’re saying though. Its about communication as always.

  3. I have wondered if HL ever felt the same but fortunately he doesn’t. He sees the wand as a tool which he chooses to use, when and how he wants to.

    I don’t know if you are the same but the wand on its own wouldn’t bring me to orgasm. There would have to be something more than physical for me in it. If I use it myself I will need to fantasize and think about him and when he uses it, a layer is added by that fact and by the other tools that he uses in conjunction with it: his voice, his words, his touch, his reading of when to up the intensity and when to pull back and tease me with it etc.

    Not sure if any of this helps but I hope it does 😊

    1. When MrH and I discussed this post, he said that he sees the wand as a tool and that he wasn’t upset in the way I thought. He was upset that our son and his friend were camped out in the living room below our bedroom and he was concerned they would hear which spoiled play.

      I do need the additional input from MrH or if I was to try to masturbate I’d need to fantasise about him…

      And yes it helps to have your reply ❤️

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