9th December 2018

We had a busy day yesterday. We got the my hanging rails up in the dressing room and my clothes moved in there (again!). MrH then dismantled the wardrobe and today he will take that to the local recycling centre. Overnight the hanging rails at MrH side finally fell off the wall, so today he will put up the rest of the new rails.

I painted the pedestal and table edge on the kitchen table so that project is complete now too. We also took the table apart slightly to adjust the sliding mechanism. It’s an extending table, round to oval, and the mechanism had gone out of alignment during transport or assembly and it wouldn’t close smoothly.. anyhow we fixed it! So when I’m sewing I can extend the table and I’ve loads of space 😊. I am there right now, finishing a skirt I’m making for a work colleague, watching Mamma Mia 2 on my phone 😊 (love Virgin Store!)

Things are finally coming together.

I sent pictures of all my food choices to MrH and asked before having food with a syn value. MrH said if it goes in my mouth he wants a picture – “Everything???” I asked. I suggested that he would be best placed to take “that” picture for me as I would be too busy…. 😉. Laughing, he said we would have a stock picture to use….

I had a lingering headache all day, and it’s still here today 🙁. I made a cheeky suggestion that the Doxy and Sirs cock work well as pain relief and as our Son decided to pop out yesterday evening MrH told me to get the Doxy out. He didn’t realise that following the move all the toys are in his drawers, so he got it out for me. I had several moments of panic when he made it clear that I was to masturbate followed by relief when Son returned home and the Doxy was put away unused.

I know this might seem odd, after all, when we last went away MrH had me masturbate with the Doxy, and I had no problem obeying. That’s the difference. Do you see? I was told to do it.

I have had a huge mental shift over the last few months. I can be horny as hell, wet and needy but unless MrH is pulling the strings – no orgasm. In the past I could masturbate successfully when I felt the need. Not any more.

So yesterday, I told him I had meant for him to incorporate the Doxy into play and he pointed out that’s not what I’d actually said, and that I may only get one not both anyway, I froze. MrH passed me the Doxy and laid down next to me and it appeared as if he were planning to continuing to watch TV while I used the Doxy.

I suspect that even if I’d used the doxy and that things good so I would probably have orgasmed physically, mentally I would have remained horny and needy because I didn’t feel MrH’s control.

It’s hard to explain, and I don’t know if I’m even making sense but I belong to him.

Had he said, “Here’s the Doxy I want you to masturbate for me” I would have felt a little shy (I always do) but I could have done it as I was following instructions, and he was in control, watching.

The mental side was catered to.

The thought of masturbating while he watched TV, that didn’t feel good. That kind of made me feel boring. Like I wasn’t worth attention.

We talked this morning about how I had felt and he assured me that he would have watched me he was simply allowing me to get ready and settled without scrutiny, he in no way intended me to feel like an afterthought. I, in return, explained that I need that attention. I need him to say, “get your mat out and you will masturbate until I tell you to stop.”

I adore how he responds to my telling him things like this. That he understands the mental need and says in future he will tell me to and not give me a choice. How he kisses me and tells me he loves me. How he walks up to me when I am busy sewing away, and strokes my hair and smiles at me.

I belong to him.

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