Thanks to the issue I mentioned in my previous post it’s been a while since MrH allowed me to/brought me to/gave me (choose your own meaning there) an orgasm.
I’ve talked about how I no longer seem able to orgasm through masturbation – I just don’t seem to have the desire to do it, I am his and I seem to only want him to touch me.
So I’m horny as hell.
MrH has allowed me to pleasure him, once he even allowed me to take his cum in my mouth – he said I deserved a treat. In my opinion I deserve a that particular kind of treat every day! But I digress.
As I said, I’m horny. I’m sat on my side of the sofa, MrH is at his (on my left) and all I can think is “I wish he’d tell me to suck his cock”.
I woke up this morning and he invited me to snuggle for a bit before we got up. I laid there, head on his shoulder, thinking “tell me to suck your cock”.
When I’m with him it’s like a portion of my mind is always on standby. Always thinking, wondering… “what can I do to please Sir?” Or “does Sir want to use me?”
He passes me in the hallway…. my mind imagines he pushes me against the wall, pins my arms above my head with one hand and kisses my neck. Then he tells me to kneel and take his cock in my mouth. He lets go of my wrists and takes my head in his hands and face fucks me. When he’s cum, he tells me I’m a good girl and to get him a drink….
He’s watching tv….. in my mind I have a number of scenarios, but one of my favourites, he tells me to worship his cock.
He let me do this yesterday. He didn’t tell me to and I think for me part of the fantasy, the desire I have to be used/claimed/possessed is him telling me to do something. For clarification, cock worship isn’t a blow job. The goal isn’t to get MrH to cum it’s to simply do things I know he likes. That’s not to say that MrH doesn’t sometimes decide he wants to cum and either allows me to change modes and bring him to orgasm via a blow job or he will tell me to get my ass in the air so he can put his cum in my pussy. But this is Sirs choice at the end of the day.
Basically around him I feel like I’m a bit of a cum slut. I just want Sirs cock. I want his cum, on me or in me. I want to hear him moan and tell me he likes what I’m doing, I want him to tell me I’m a good girl and that I am his.
But, I come back to my post title…. what’s too much?
Is it the horniness that is making me this way? Or is it him? I mean I go to work and I am focused on work. As soon as I get home my brain switches back to “I am his to use” mode.
Is it simply my submission? Has this become my default setting so to speak? To be ready for Sir at any time? To fantasize about him. To dream about him. To want him so much.
I guess that’s something to think about.
In the mean time I guess my biggest worry, as it always is, is that MrH will find me disgusting. That he will think I am abnormal and a freak. That he thinks I’m some sort of nymphomaniac and be totally turned off.
I really really hope he doesn’t…..