A dirty word?

Monogamy as defined by the Collins Dictionary is the “state or custom of having a sexual relationship with only one partner”.

When I first asked MrH to consider adding BDSM into our relationship and we began the discussions outside play wasn’t talked about. Then we started chatting to a couple on line. Suddenly I didn’t know where MrH planned to take us. Suddenly I panicked that I had opened a door I would regret.

It had been a standing joke during our vanilla life that I would do almost anything for MrH but a 3 some was absolutely out of the question. Having placed him in control, would this be what he decided to do?

Almost in a state of total fear I asked if he wanted to play with this other couple.. he responded did I?

Looking back and having spoken since we both had the same worry… but ultimately we agreed that no we do not want to play outside our relationship.

He has feelings of extreme possessiveness when it comes to me, and has said he doesn’t know what he would do if someone tried to touch me in any sexual way.

On my part I would simply cry, in a sobbing pathetic heap on the floor if I thought for even a second that MrH wanted to experience sexual pleasure with another woman. I have serious issues with it and MrH is very sensitive to that. But more than that, I don’t want MrH to flog or cane or tie anyone else.

So why have I started this post?

Have we changed our minds? Not at all.

Has someone suggested we should? No.

It’s just something that I have been thinking about. This expectation that a couple who have some BDSM elements in their relationship automatically want to play with other people; that they want to play in public and be watched or to watch others play – be that sexual or otherwise.

Many of the people who’s blogs I follow have, even if that wasn’t where they started out, ended up with outside play partners being introduced. They delve into the swinging scene or dive in head first. Some are in full time ploy-amorous relationships and some have semi casual partners. I guess it wonders around in my mind sometimes as to why that is. Why is it that monogamy seems so rare? I can’t imagine any other way of being. Perhaps I’m a selfish person at heart after all the thought of sharing MrH is completely abhorrent to me. I mean he is an amazing man. Generous and kind. A less selfish person would happily allow others to benefit from his care right? Well I won’t. I am quite content to be selfish in this regard.

It sometimes seems that the Dominant partner in these blogs have encouraged or demanded the extra sexual partner, and so again, this brings to my mind the question.. what if MrH changed his mind. What if he decided that he wanted to experience play with another? Well I always have the safe-word option. I can call red at anytime but, for me, it would be too late. Once that box was cracked open there would be no closing it in my mind. Once said, I would know that I wasn’t enough for him. Once said, I would know he wants someone else more than me. Once said, my heart would be broken.

The thing that drew us to The Safeword Club, to SubMissy and HisLordship is that they are monogamous too. We can discuss and chat about topics and play without thinking that any second they will be expecting us to swap partners or play together. Our recent visit to their home was fabulous for that same reason.

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled on for quite long enough today. I’m going to go and work on our evening meal, get a hot sweet cup of tea to keep subdrop at bay following our extended play on Friday, and then snuggle back in MrH arms where I belong.

Ta ta for now folks ๐Ÿ˜Š

13 Replies to “A dirty word?”

  1. Like Michael said, me and my guy have fantasies but that’s it. We both know in our relationship, the reality would bring out varying degrees of jealousy. I don’t feel like a minority as such, maybe the community we’re in is more open-minded towards polyamory so more people can openly engage in such without fear of backlash? I don’t know, but either way it’s definitely interesting. x

  2. I am with you! Completely, 100% monogamous and absolutely terrified of HD being interested in someone else. Possessive has such a negative connotation to it, I prefer to say I am territorial. (Jealousy is wanting what someone else has; being territorial is protecting what is already yours.)

    We do have a lot of fantasies involving playing with others that has an impact on both our spaces, but no plans to act on them. I don’t know that I ever could. HD is just too important to me and I am too emotionally needy. Poly is fine for others, but it isn’t something I ever want to explore.

  3. I must have missed this when you first wrote it but do understand where you are coming from. I think in real life monogamy is assumed and those who are poly are looked at in a strange way which I donโ€™t like. I think this is based on misunderstanding a lot of the time. I agree though that in the BDSM world monogamy seems to be less common. It las led to me feeling strangely vanilla and like I donโ€™t really fit in despite the fact we are in a full time D/s relationship. Great post ๐Ÿ˜Š

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