On our journey home yesterday MrH and I talked.
We discussed our D/s in terms of what we want and where we are going.
Perhaps I should explain….
On Friday we went to Scotland to stay with HisLordship and Missy, and we feel very grateful to them for allowing us to stay in their beautiful home. We were spoiled with amazing delicious food and they are wonderful, genuine friendly people. Naturally we didn’t turn up empty handed. During one of many conversations on the safeword club, HisLordship mentioned what his favourite whiskey was, and MrH made a note of it. We found this and took HisLordship a bottle of whiskey and some flowers for Missy. Although MrH can be very quiet, he observes things and likes to make gifts personal and meaningful.
From the very first moment, it felt like we had known them ages. Conversation flowed easily and we were able to discuss so many topics openly and felt brilliant.
We talked about the clone a willy kit we had used and so on the Saturday when we were all alone I got it out – well the toy bag you understand not MrH cock – and so a quick “what else do you have?” Ensued. MrH commented on the way home that it was a very surreal experience; sitting around the kitchen table emptying our kinky bag of vibrators and anal toys. Especially another man examining his cock! This of course made me giggle.
Having looked through our toys we went upstairs and HisLordship and Missy showed us their toy collection. They showed us how quiet the Doxy wand is and we plugged ours in to compare and it is definitely quieter. As and when our wand dies we will probably replace with the Doxy.
HisLordship showed us the bench he made. And this is something MrH is definitely going to try and make. He also liked the female connectors on the bed (I have no idea what he means by these as I didn’t look). They have a huge selection of toys. MrH likes the style of nipple clamps they have and weights. HisLordship described how he would use them to open Missy up and so he plans to try this too.
Our discussions over the weekend touched on many topics which have in turn prompted further discussion between us.
Missy has written about her experience with a public spanking and it’s been discussed on the safeword club a few times. this is something I had wondered about, public play. This came up in conversation over the weekend and again on the way home. We realised that what we enjoy about our scenes would not be added to by playing in a public location. Even with the advantages of additional equipment the idea of a time limit would detract from the experience. Instead we realised what we need to do is make more room for play at home and now our eldest has left we can. So we have a plan in place to make this room into a closet which will give us extra play room. I may also re-explore the possibility of a cat flap on the bedroom door so we can close it again.
Communicating during play:
This wasn’t necessarily discussed over the weekend, but Missy and I did discuss communication in general and how we often stumble with understanding what our Dominants are asking. How it’s sometimes difficult to decide if they are asking if we want to or telling us they want us to do a specific thing. This led me to talk to MrH about how I need his feedback. He often tells me he isn’t a mind reader and I pointed out that I am not either. Having him tell me he’s enjoying something helps me.
He told me that he has a plan to help him fully understand exactly how I want to be touched without having to speak. I must have looked puzzled as he elaborated, you’re going to use my hand as a toy and show me. This took me a little while to process and don’t get me wrong MrH gets me, he brings me to orgasm more often than not, but there are times he touches me in the wrong spot and I don’t ever correct him. It took a while for him to be comfortable, within our new dynamic to use me or allow the play to be about his enjoyment primarily. To not have my orgasm as the goal.
What I didn’t quite understand was this was planned for last night. And after I suppressed my hesitation, worked out how to shape his hand I did as he asked. I did have to tell him off a couple of times when the “toy” got a mind of its own and tried to move independently! It turned into a pretty awesome night ☺️.
I asked MrH what he enjoys about impact play. This isn’t something we have really examined, as MrH finds it hard to define I think. But we did yesterday and that was really good. I know now that he isn’t just doing it because I like it, he also enjoys it. He likes watching my body react. He likes seeing the marks appear. This is something we will be exploring more.
MrH wants to explore this further and I really hope my body will cooperate and allow it. I really don’t want MrH to need a different partner for some play, and he reassured me that if suspension work isn’t possible then we will do floor work only.
Other play partners:
Missy asked a very interesting question on Saturday, could we see us playing with other people? Not sexually just, for example, having someone else flog me? My initial response was no, and that I wouldn’t want MrH to flog anyone else, but did also say that in a teaching scenario I would feel differently about that, as it wouldn’t be play. The D/s connection for me is an intimate one that I can’t separate from my emotional being and it would feel like MrH was cheating on me, rejecting me, if he were partnered with someone else. On our drive home, MrH said he wouldn’t actually want anyone, even in a teaching environment to be touching me in any way, be it tying a rope around me or flogging.
The drive home was about 6 hours so as you can imagine many many many things were discussed!
I do want to reiterate, that MrH and I, and HisLordship and Missy are monogamous and there wasn’t any group play or swapping, that’s not what any of us wanted to do and it wasn’t the purpose of our visit. It certainly wasn’t what Missy was suggesting with her question either, either. We just wanted to meet so we could properly talk, to see if we would get along as friends. We all believe having people you can talk to, you can share problems with is important and having a couple with similar interests and the same basic dynamics makes it even easier.
The weekend has, if at all possible, brought us (MrH and I) even closer, taken us a little further down the road.
I think MrH and I have made 2 new real world friends, and I hope very much that we see them again in the future.