One of my followers just asked me a simple question… “if the tables were turned what would you want to do to him” …. My answer is a simple one. I can’t imagine it. I just can’t. I’m completely submissive to him. I need him to be in charge. I need him to control me.
I need him to tell me what to do and how to do it, during play time.
I get dressed in a morning and pick a matching set of underwear as per my rules. This decision I can make. Change that to a planned scene and I need him to tell me what he wants me to wear. Even making that decision changes my mental state, brings me out of submission a little.
On one of our early hotel stays that I wrote about Here and Here MrH took a series of photos in different outfits and on that occasion he picked a few outfits then told me to pick one. At that time I did and was ok with it. As time passed this became more difficult. I’m sure some of you are thinking that it shouldn’t be a problem… he’s given me an instruction.. I should follow it.. but in that moment, in that situation I crave his orders. I don’t want to think. I don’t want to make any decisions. I just want to be.
I think if you’d asked me 2 years ago if I would be happy being used, having my husband hold my head and fuck my mouth with no apparent care for my enjoyment… I’d have said hell no. The reality is of course very different. When he does this I am so turned on by it, it takes very little to push my body to orgasm. In my head he wants to use my body for his own pleasure because it pleases him… that gets me off. I want only to know and feel irresistible to him.
I want him to own and control me because it pleases him to do so.
I want him to make me please him and correct me when I don’t.
I want his discipline when I disappoint so I know he demands more of me, that I must obey, it keeps me calm to know I am accountable to him and will be held accountable.
Gosh how I’ve changed….