Please Sir – play with me?

I struggle to ask MrH for things. Not like can I buy or can I eat, I mean sexual acts I want, and when I have chatted to other subs this seems to be a common theme.   I think there are 2 reasons for this.

1. Embarrassment or shame.

2. Fighting with the idea that I shouldn’t ask as a submissive.

The second is easier to argue out. MrH tells me he’s not a mind reader, and if I don’t tell him he doesn’t know.  The first, not so easy. I’ve mentioned before that since we started this my sex drive is on high, I want MrH all the time. I’m hyper aware of him.

For example, right now he’s sat on the couch. He’s on the left side and I’m on the right. This is how we normally sit. (If we snuggle I move to his side.) In my peripheral vision I can see him. When he wiggles his fingers, my mind remembers the feel of them against my skin, my clit.

Every movement he makes I’m hyper aware.  Every movement he makes turns me on – more.  I wake up in the night and I look at him.  I spend my time wet and achy. But admitting that to him makes me ashamed. It makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me to be so needy and desperate.  I’m getting better at it. In the beginning I would write it down in my journal.  I then managed to tell him but I would hide my head embarrassed.  I worry he will be disgusted by my desires and fantasies. He hasn’t so far so it’s made it easier to open up.

I have now managed on two occasions to speak without hiding my head but I have to work up to it.

I have such battles in my head.

Recently I told MrH I was super horny. I felt like I would explode.

He kindly told me to get the wand out if I wished. I didn’t. I don’t what to masturbate unless MrH “tells” me to. I don’t want my orgasms to belong to me, I want him to control them. I went to sleep that night still horny and in the morning I explained that for me to masturbate I needed him to word things differently. He would need to say “I want you to get the wand out and orgasm”

I need his commands for the orgasm to be meaningful mentally.

That night he told me to play with his cock.

He then ordered me to turn and kneel up, he placed my hands wide on the headboard and spread my legs wide.

I immediately felt uncomfortable.

The need I had in me was high, and at this point I felt like an orgasm would result in me squirting. In this position all over the bed where our heads lie. MrH didn’t put the mat down. Instead he lay on his back and positioned himself under me. Shame flooded though me. If I came I could squirt all over his face – not something I wanted – nor do I imagine it’s something he would want?!?!

He was also very close to my body and I’ve noticed since starting D/s I find this “on top” position mentally challenging. I don’t know if this will make sense but I find it quite a dominant position and this doesn’t sit with my submissive mind set.

So I’m battling my mental discomfort, fighting an orgasm for fear of “washing” Sirs face… not very conducive. After a while I could feel an orgasm build and knew it wasn’t going to squirt (I can feel what type of orgasm is likely to happen as they build depending on where the feelings originate), this allowed me to relax enough to climax.

He then moved behind me and picked up the micro wand. He held it on my clit. Very quickly I was lost. My body rocking with orgasm after orgasm, my brain disconnected and yet I was still worried about the squirt potential. When Sir came and he allowed my orgasms to end I was shaking, bad.

I was also relieved I hadn’t disgraced my self – yes that’s the word that comes to mind- as if I had squirted on the bed I would have been mortified.

The thing is I can still feel the need for that squirt orgasm now, and as I said I’m ashamed that after so many orgasms I still want more.

Anyway, I know MrH will read this later and tell me his thoughts. Hopefully he won’t be disgusted that I have turned into some kind of nymphomaniac that’s never satisfied…

I think in many ways it’s wonderful that after being together for 23 years I’m still hungry for him. I am his…  Of course he also thinks that after all these years I can’t tell him what sexual acts I want him to engage in!


23 Replies to “Please Sir – play with me?”

  1. Personally I love squirting orgasms! My Queen often has them on my face and I wouldn’t have them any other way. lol we do try to make sure they are below head level and not on pillows, but everything else dries!!

  2. Top positions are hard for me too, so I feel extra-submissive when Master places me in one. I haven’t had a squirting orgasm before, but I have felt something different building during our play lately.

    And, again ;), I feel the same about being so needy all the damn time. So far, my nymph-side has been well-received, but that fear still lingers. I hope this post triggers a discussion (and play!) so you and MrH can work through it a little more.

  3. I can relate to a lot of this, the early days constant arousal, that lasted a loooong time, the struggle in asking for physical things and about certain positioning. I hope you both have a good discussion as a result of your post, I’m sure you will!

  4. Never feel ashamed of being hyper horny, and, squirting on your man is a massive turn on for the man, which I take it as a compliment I’m doing it ‘right’ when it happens to me……

        1. MrH has instructed me to purchase a full waterproof mattress protector. That way he says, I’m not stressing about the mattress getting wet and he can put me anywhere he likes without having to remember to put the 3’ mat into the right spot

  5. I am the same way with HD! It’s embarrassing to tell him anything sexual but it also feels like I am being demanding. I don’t want to interfere with his manner of leadership, so I don’t ask for things as often as I need them. I guess I also kinda feel like suffering is part of the requirement for being submissive as well. And I want him alllllll the time! I’ve told him that I think my drive is higher than his. He disagrees, but I’d have sex every day if he was willing. It’s a huge struggle for me to indicate my desire for him, and after a few failed attempts, I’ve pretty much stopped. Apparently I’m so awful at it that he didn’t know that’s what I was doing. o_O

    I think your disinterest unless ordered by Mr. H is a natural evolution of being owned. The more you become his, the more your body craves his attention, even if it’s as simple a command. 🙂 I still enjoy solo orgasms, but I find they don’t have the same quality as ones instigated by HD.

    Being on top is difficult for me physically but there’s a mental discomfort as well. I know men need a break and enjoy the change in scenery, but it feels awkward and is traditionally considered the more dominant position, so I have a really hard time relaxing and getting into it.

    My long-winded point is that you aren’t alone!

  6. Wonderfully open and candid.

    I know we are all different, but this Dom certainly wouldn’t mind at all if his Babygirl squirted all over his face. Perhaps a bit of warning though…😀

  7. I feel like I could’ve written this! I want my Master ALL THE TIME!!! I am in a constant state of arousal and become so wet with just the slightest touch from him. I’m constantly asking myself if I could’ve ever imagined life and sex being so good! And I like you have no desire to masturbate unless ordered by Master. My orgasms are definitely for him and way more fun with him! We’ve been married for 24 years and all I can say is I wish we would’ve started this relationship so much sooner!! We do discuss in our downtime our fantasies and desires so I think that probably helps for him to know what I need as well. There’s a lot of things I desire but with a 4 and 5 year old in the house it’s a lot harder to achieve said things!!

    I love your blog! Thanks for always sharing so open and honestly!

    1. Thank you for your kind comments. I’m glad you enjoy reading it. It’s strange isn’t it how absolutely mind blowing the sex is by making such a (in real terms) simple and old fashioned change in dynamic… I hope you continue to have lots of fun 😊

        1. 😂 kinda makes you wanna say “if you wanna be treated like the most amazing, beautiful, precious, loved woman, made to feel like the most important thing in the world, tell your partner you want to be their submissive! Take away the power struggle; allow them to be in charge and my oh my you will not regret it! The sex is one thing (earth shattering) the overall change is amazing too!

  8. Yes!! Like shout it from the rooftops!!! Become a submissive wife and your life will be amazing!!
    It literally saved our marriage!! We had basically become roommates. We had sex very rarely and just going through the motions. Loved each other but not “in love”. Then I came across subMissy’s blog and asked him if he was interested and the rest is history!! We are sooooo in love again and so happy, we don’t fight, and we don’t yell which is HUGE for us, even my depression and anxiety has subsided. Giving up the need to control and giving up all the control has helped me so much. And open and honest communication! and oh being like a couple horny rabbits isn’t bad either!!! 😉☺️😁 There really isn’t one bad thing you can say about this dynamic!!!

    1. I have also seen an improvement in my anxiety and depression… although there is an excellent book that started me on the road. I think not having to “try” and control everything makes a big difference. I did spend quite a lot of time worrying that MrH was just doing it to please me and he didn’t really want to… then I read the post he did for the safeword club and I was like…. wow he actually does want to do this, he is enjoying it.. it was a big light bulb 💡 moment for me and allowed me to fully relax into submission.

  9. Yes! Giving up the control is the hardest part. But then feels so good!
    I’ll have to look for his post!
    My Master tells me daily “I love our new life” because it is a new life a new way of living. It’s not a game when you’re really both committed!!

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