I’m home…. Not quite alone as our eldest son is here but in some ways I wish I was.
While that could be lonely …. I could employ strategies to help me feel better …. Strategies that are unavailable to me when there are enquiring minds about.
I’ve applied for 5 jobs today. I’ve emptied and refilled the dishwasher. I’ve arranged for some shopping to be readied for MrH to collect on his way home. I have even changed the bedding on our bed.
Now I’m bored… And I miss MrH.
I could’ve left my night collar on… It fits more securely around my neck and so reminds me I am his. I feel his presence. I could be reading the book I got, but that would raise too many questions.
To make matters worse, this child (well he’s a few days off being 25 so not really a child) also smokes … And he has left his coat hung on the living room door…. This means I can smell the smoke… And it makes me feel sick. My stepfather smokes and the smell just takes me back to a place that was filled with hurt.
Whatever jacket he doesn’t take with him when he goes to visit his friends tonight is going in the wash …
I wanted to edit the photos that MrH took on our weekend away. But with the child about I can’t.
So I’m bored and I have nothing I feel able to do to help manage that because of the current company. Instead I’m in limbo waiting for MrH to come home.