I’m home…. Not quite alone as our eldest son is here but in some ways I wish I was.

While that could be lonely …. I could employ strategies to help me feel better …. Strategies that are unavailable to me when there are enquiring minds about.

I’ve applied for 5 jobs today. I’ve emptied and refilled the dishwasher. I’ve arranged for some shopping to be readied for MrH to collect on his way home. I have even changed the bedding on our bed.

Now I’m bored… And I miss MrH.

I could’ve left my night collar on… It fits more securely around my neck and so reminds me I am his. I feel his presence. I could be reading the book I got, but that would raise too many questions.

To make matters worse, this child (well he’s a few days off being 25 so not really a child) also smokes … And he has left his coat hung on the living room door…. This means I can smell the smoke… And it makes me feel sick. My stepfather smokes and the smell just takes me back to a place that was filled with hurt.

Whatever jacket he doesn’t take with him when he goes to visit his friends tonight is going in the wash …

I wanted to edit the photos that MrH took on our weekend away. But with the child about I can’t.

So I’m bored and I have nothing I feel able to do to help manage that because of the current company. Instead I’m in limbo waiting for MrH to come home.

10 Replies to “Boredom”

  1. *hug* Boredom is one of the worst. I get bored here too, all alone in the house. There isn’t much in the way of chores: sweep, dust, load the dishwasher, wash laundry once a week or so. If Christmas wasn’t so close, I wouldn’t have anything to do with my time at all! There’s only so much Netflix one can watch or video games one can play. I’d offer suggestions, but I’m at a loss too.

    Good luck with the applications! I am sure you will find something quickly. Might even find something better than where you were in the first place. 🙂

  2. Awww hope you are now snuggling in Mr. H’s arms where you belong.

    “And it makes me feel sick. My stepfather smokes and the smell just takes me back to a place that was filled with hurt.” Yup. I identify with this. The smell of Player’s Light cigarettes is a big trigger and I’m back to that 12-15 year old fighting daily to preserve her innocence from the monster in the home trying to steal it from her.

    We are resilient tho! 😘 take care love.

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