Yesterday I spent all day trying to find the courage to ask MrH to help me with a bad habit I have formed. My ability to speak openly and honestly is, I think, improving but I do still struggle with the idea that I am ‘being silly, being a bother’ etc and I often end up upset.
I’ve found that recently I’m waking up during the night and, because of some early childhood conditioning, I invariably end up going to the loo for a pee. Once I’m up I have started going downstairs and getting something to eat. Having lost so much weight I do not want to put it back on – and this habit needs to be stopped.
So after MrH had put my collar on and I was knelt at his feet I asked for his help. I asked him to help me by giving me a rule and punishment that would deter me from continuing this behaviour.
I had been trying all day to find a way of asking without too much blather.. MrH had noted that I ‘use 20 words when 10 will do’ and I wanted to be as concise as I could. So I told him the problem and asked for his help.
MrH has not introduced any physical punishments to our D/s and he had said in the past that he felt taking physical contact with him away from me would be the best form of punishment but this terrifies me. And Furcissy’s recent post ‘punishment by withholding dominance’ made me understand why this might be.
So I’m asking for his help I wanted to tell him how the idea of his withholding his direction, his contact terrifies me, how it makes me feel abandoned and rejected, without using twice as many words as needed.
I don’t think I fully succeeded but, I’m a work in progress.
In case you’re wondering MrH agreed to help me… how? I am not allowed to go downstairs at night – unless I wake him up, tell him I am hungry and ask permission to go downstairs for something to eat.
It’s perfect. There’s no way I’m going to disturb his sleep. He knows me so well. Thank you MrH.