I can’t sleep tonight. At least I keep waking up – and it’s doing my head in! I’m going to be tired tomorrow, well later today actually, and I’m going to a seminar that’s starts at 7:30am (yes you read that correctly) so I could do with looking, alive, at least.
I am active of a couple of communities but recently MrH found one called The SafeworD/s Club. It’s been one of the friendliest and welcoming groups we have joined. There is generally a chat going on every day too. Today they were talking about preventing orgasm and as these things do, it got me thinking….
What if MrH began denying my orgasm. In our play so far. MrH has taken great pleasure in giving me many, many orgasms. He demands them, deliciously. ‘Come for me now,’ he will say and my body responds obediently. But what if he decided that I wasn’t allowed to orgasm? I’ve never had to try and stop myself from reaching orgasm. I wouldn’t know how to begin.
The discussion that prompted these musings also featured some rather distressing shared information. Being submissive isn’t gender specific. There are male and female subs just as there are male and female Dominants. One male sub shared his experience where his Domme prevented his orgasm by applying pressure to the vas deferens; if done too frequently it can cause permanent problems and he would find that his testicles became a blue/purple colour. This sub and some others said that although they found that they are distressed and dislike some of the things that their Doms subject them to – they love the way it makes them feel. I don’t consider myself masochistic (I get pleasure from a certain level of pain, from a spanking, flogging, essentially impact play) but I would not want to be screaming, crying or distressed. MrH isn’t a sadist and has told me he has no desire to hurt me in that way. Everything we do is mutually pleasing. So I found this subs experience frightening and difficult to understand. The idea that he may be permanently physically affected. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not passing judgment, what happens in each D/s relationship is unique to that relationship. And I accept that part of the relationship is about exploring and pushing limits and boundaries to find your hard limits. I guess because we are so new to it and so far from reaching that point it is hard for me to wrap my head around.
What I am ineptly trying to say is it’s virtually impossible for me at this moment in time to fully understand how an S&M relationship works. This is I think because I haven’t experienced it, so I can’t see the benefit to enduring it.
Now, before this post gets any longer and makes even less sense I am going to try and get back to sleep.
(Edited following some clarification of the discussion that inspired this post)