When we began this journey I bought a little lockable diary. In this I would write what I was thinking and feeling and leave it out for MrH to read. This meant he could plan accordingly and had an idea of things we might need to discuss. This was especially useful in the beginning when everything feels overwhelming and, for me it felt like I had become addicted to his touch.
26th July 2017
‘MrH is taking such good care of me. I’ve not felt this way before. I’m aroused thinking of him, ready for his possession at almost any time. I am his. I want him to claim every part of me; to make me his in every way possible. We are going away this weekend and my pussy is pulsating at the thought of what’s to come.’
It’s now November and I often read back through my journal entries from these early days. People talk about the ‘frenzy’ that can occur when you start in a D/s relationship but it’s only with reflection that it becomes clear how true this is.
It is hard to prepare for. I wrote a few days after this initial entry that ‘I feel like an addict and MrH is my drug of choice’ and that’s how it felt. I could be sat at work and when MrH sent me a message I would turn into a quivering wreck, perhaps loose my train of thought, sometimes even in the middle of a sentence.
This has calmed down thankfully or I may have been sacked! But what hasn’t changed is that intensity of need. When he commands me, I am ready. I am his. Addicted to him, his touch, his commands, his Dominance.
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