Can I cum?

I have spoken about how over the last few months/year masturbation has become difficult for me. The desire to do so has waned and so my orgasms fell into the domain of MrH. Not because he commanded it, rather my body didn’t respond when I did try to masturbate and so eventually I just stopped even trying. Initially I could get round this by filming it and sending the video to MrH. In my mind he would enjoy getting the video and seeing it, so it fulfilled a need to be “naughty” and being on display for his amusement not just my own.

I asked him once if he enjoyed watching the video or if he wanted me to video myself again and he said something along the lines of no it’s ok I’ve seen it before. He probably didn’t mean it to sound flippant or that he was no longer interested in watching me masturbate, that it was not interesting or that he found it boring, but these are all things that went through my mind, and I never asked again nor did I masturbate (other than when trying a new toy for review purposes or under instruction to do so).

The last few weeks have been challenging. I’m tired from the new meds and by the time 9pm comes round I’m half asleep or asleep. 9pm is when play time tends to happen. But I’ve been feeling pretty horny. Perhaps it’s the meds…

Wednesday night I asked MrH if he would “sort me out” and he did 😊

Last night MrH told me he didn’t plan to play and I was horny again… so I messaged him and asked if I could get promises out and play for a while. I wasn’t really expecting to enjoy it. I’d found over the last few months that even when I felt horny if I started to play that feeling disappeared.

Yesterday it didn’t. I enjoyed the feeling. I allowed myself to relax and eventually I messaged MrH to ask if I could cum…. he said yes and as I put the phone down I started to climax. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and climaxed twice before I put the toy away.

Tonight, when MrH said he had no plans to play, I asked again. This time I asked to his face. He said yes and added, and you can cum.. I hid my face behind the door. Embarrassed. He made me look at him before he headed off for his bath.

I put some music on, and promises out. Once again I enjoyed it.

I find it odd.

Why has this changed?

Am I feeling less submissive?

Is something wrong with my submissive state?

Why am I enjoying “myself” without him around?

I spoke with MrH about this and he shook his head. He thinks I’m over analysing it. He thinks that the reason I’ve enjoyed it. Is because I wanted to. I had permission and I wanted to. Simple as that.

He’s probably right. He usually is. 😊

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